I think I’m crazy

Yes, I can relate. I don’t think you’re crazy. It just sounds like Social Anxiety Disorder. Although putting a label on it doesn’t really matter. It’s perfectly accurate to just refer to it as “rock bottom self-esteem”, “self shame”, etc. You’re probably just really hard on yourself and you have higher standards for yourself than you would ever expect from other people. When you go out, do you care what other people are wearing, how much they might weigh, what they’re buying, etc? Probably not. You just have to remind yourself that nobody is watching you that closely either. Yes, people do make judgments on random strangers they see out in public, and that can be a scary thought, but it doesn’t really matter what someone else thinks. But I know this is a very hard issue to get over. I struggle with it every day. I don’t like going out to buy food, or going out to do anything really, because I am always worried about it too. Makes me even sadder to think someone else out there feels this way about themself. Please try to be nicer to yourself. At least try to realize there are good things about. Even the fact that you worry so much, I kind of see that as a good thing. There are other rude and annoying people who go out in the world and treat it like they own the place, make a mess, bother other people, act like idiots, etc. The fact that you are very self conscious when you go out in the world and probably make an effort not to bother anyone or get in anyone’s way shows that you are a good person. Just try not to be so hard on yourself. The things your mind tells you are untrue. You’re not some horrible hideous person who shouldn’t be out in the world. If you walk into a store full of people, you’re just 1 person in addition to the dozens all around you, you have just as much right to be there, you’re not bothering anyone, you’re not doing anything wrong, and no — everyone is not staring at you. It’s kind of funny when you think about it, we have really low self esteem yet in a way we must think we’re really important if we assume everyone in public is going to notice us. Those two things don’t even make any sense. People glance at us and probably don’t even have a single thought about us. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own business. Nobody is paying attention to you. Try at least once a day to think of something you like about yourself. I hope you will feel better because like I said I hate thinking of you dealing with the same stuff I do. I know I am really hard on myself and it sucks.