legit reason to die, need an accident tho

I am a survivor of childhood abuse…really bad scary abuse, i was under three when i was raped repeatedly and then i molested my little sister not knowing any better this all before the age of six. I have gone thru therapy and counseling. I have tried my best to make a good life for myself and am working on my bachelors degree, have a job, have friends, have a boyfriend, a good family, but the effects of what happened to me, and what I have done keep surfacing and i have reached a road block emotionally. My little sister was a complete failure to launch after being sexualized at a young age by me and although I know it wasn’t intentional, it was my direct doing. I cant do this anymore. Play pretend, pretend i am happy, pretend i am good, pretend i am fine. I need to sleep. I need to die. I need to go back into the dark eternity we all came from. But I love my friends and my family and my boyfriend. I love them but not enough to stay; every day i wake up and i as i rise from sleep i am aware im broken an worse yet i broke someone. I would like to make it look like an accident to hurt them the least possible. But I need to go; the hurt can’t be put out by education, love, money, or the beauty of our wide world. I t just just grows and grows like a sickening parasite inside of me. I need to end it.