well, I’m a lousy writer… What should I do? I have no one to talk to about my depression, my loneliness… I can’t disclose to anyone that I suffer from HSV-2 in fear of being labeled as what I am, a poisonous person therefore I’ve been alone, drowning in alcohol and drugs to pass out as much as I can… I want help, I need help but what help can I get when I am forever cursed with a virus that destroyed my life completely… I used to be social, I would go out, have fun, date girls, be fun, do shit, travel, do this and that… now I’m all alone, I can’t date anyone, I can’t tell anyone, I can’t do shit…. Whenever I feel good, positive, happy, I get a harsh reminder of why I’m miserable, never fails. I miss it, being with a girl, loving someone, the touch of a woman, being with someone, not being alone. Alcohol and drugs can only do so much, it will never fill the emptiness, the void of having someone with me, having a normal life. Sure, people could say I’m exaggerating, it’s not a big deal. Lot’s of people have it, it wont kill you but, but… they have no idea. They have no idea what is like to fear everyday, to be poisonous inside and out… I can never go back I guess, I’ll never have my life again. sometimes the only thought that keeps me going is that the day it gets bad enough, bad enough that I start writing in suicide websites and chatting and calling lines just to have someone to talk to, well, the day will come when I’ll just have the choice to end it… Writing about suicide… What a damn sad thing to be doing on thanksgiving day… but, well, I’m here alone at my Motel and have nothing else to do…. To all the people that wrote today, I hope it gets better for you all.
Checking out.
-SailorDroid