Lonely

Hi, I have attempted suicide a few times. Its almost the one year anniversary of the time I was sent to the hospital because of it. It makes me kinda sad to think about it cause it was a rough time for me. I wish I could say Im doing better but im not. Im really unhappy. I just wanna cry all the time. I feel so alone. Im homeschooled. The only friends I have are the ones I make online, but its not the same. I guess im just using this to release my feelings. I really am so unhappy. I put on a fake smile and get through the days but it is getting harder and harder. I dont know how much longer i can last, but im trying my best. I try not to cut anymore and i haven’t in a month or so. I just really need someone to be here for me, but I have no one. I cant talk to my mom about how I am cause she just doesnt understand. All I do all day is listen to music and get lost in my thoughts, making myself feel worse. I still pills from my mom to get high, When i feel sad i take a few and forget for a bit. I just wanna sleep and dream forever.