i dont even want to type… Â so this will probably be shorter than i intended…
i held a loaded gun in my hand again today… Â still watching tv and playing games trying to not decide on if i should accually do it this time…
my only gf and mother of our almost 3yr old daughter left me 8 months ago. Â she said god told her to leave me, but i think the fact she was talking to other guys on dating sites for a while before, is proof that she cheated or at the very least felt like she could find someone better…
my best friend, for some reason unknown to me, also left my life around the same time… Â he just stopped talking to me or even answering my txts… and he did talk to me again, but because he wanted to go to atlantic city, Â and while we were there, he won a couple thousand, and wound up lending me 500, made me miss work because he wanted to stay for another day. Â in the end he doesnt talk or even treat me like a stranger… Â and even tho he knows i only made 80 a week, he demanded 160 a month… Â when he picks up his money, he calls and hangs up after he says he is on the way, and takes his money and walks away… Â no hello or goodbye… Â like im not there…
my only other close friend, i owed 150 for almost a year and he was cool with it, but now he is broke and also wants his money.
i lost my job last week, and now i have no money, and cant even pay last months child support…
also my ex wanted to go to her friends party and wanted me to split the hotel room with here, and now her  and her mom are demanding i pay her asap…
my father and i are gonna lose the house in a couple months…
i havent talked to my mother in months because she knows im depressed and when i call her to talk about it, she crys and feels bad… Â and that makes me feel bad…
i could go on forever and with more details, but i dont really care right now…
my life is shit, and its just getting worse… there were so many things i wanted to do in my life… Â mainly find a woman and be happy with her, but i lose more hope everyday, and right now i dont think its gonna ever happen… Â i wish i was never born… Â i love my daughter so much and she is the biggest reason why im struggling to commit, but i think about how bad my situation is, and how she will hate me for being this way when she gets older, and another man raising her…. Â i dunno… Â i just dont think i can make things ok this time… Â and i think im finally done…
thank you for listening
~Tim
2 comments
Thanks for sharing Tim.
I’m 16 and hate humanity. I also live in a city that disgusts me all the more. Don’t worry so quickly. Some people don’t marry till they’re middle aged. At the very least you’re human and want to feel as if you’ve thrived. As you get older you’ll gradually become wiser and more mature about your circumstances. You’ll realize what your options are and how you ended up in your mess, so you don’t repeat the mistake.