So depressed.

Lost my job of over 10+ years a couple months ago. I have only been on a few interviews, but my social anxiety is so horrible I can barely write. Nobody is going to hire me, ever! Been on Lexapro for about 3 years, but I dont know if it is working or not. Have Xanax for once in a while use and klonpin 3x a day. Only relief I get is at night, in bed. I wake up and see it is only 1 am in the morning or so and am so relieved! I wish I could just freeze that time of night when I am sleeping and keep it that way. Wouldnt everyone love that?

Then on Oct 29th my area got hit very badly from Sandy; i mean this storm made a direct left turn to the state I live in not only an hour away.  I remember late at night the electric went out, the wind blowing furiously around my house; transformers blowing up and I hoped that if anyone has to die from this storm, let it be me. Well, nothing happened where I live and I was kind of “out of the loop” for a while, for I had no electric for 9 days and just a radio; I honestly wish the electric had stayed out, or better yet let it have been ME who got killed instead of the others I have heard about.