i remember the first time i did it
i was at my limit
years of torment, anguish, shame
you put me into a corner with no other way out
i felt suffocated
i wanted free…i wanted to float away somewhere nice
music so loud
it hid my cries
my hands were so shaky
i knew very well what i was doing
i never knew how addictive it would be
i do not regret it
for what is done is done
it felt good
i felt as if the pain went away with every cut
left wrist….right wrist… shoulder blades…thighs…legs
years accumulated of feeling just so goddamn depressed let go
i was a mess
my whole face covered in tears
snot dripping down
i understood it.
how one could do this to their bodies.
i finally understood.
don’t treat us like a disease.
you have no fucking clue how much… it takes to take a knife and put it across your wrist.
unfortunately i’m too fucking weak to cut deep enough
just enough
to still live.
i will never forget my first time.
-a depressed teenager