Trust is a total joke. It stresses me out. If it is human nature to constantly judge and second guess the people beside you, how are you supposed to trust someone? Â A psychiatrist is closest thing I have had to a trustworthy person in the past five years. I mean at least I am paying this guy to judge me and to keep quiet. I don’t expect to trust every person I meet, but sometimes I feel like the closer I get to someone the more likely they are to let me down.
I was with my girl the other night and everything was going alright. Â I laid on the floor of her kitchen, and out of the corner of my eye I see a tag used as a key chain for new cars. Â I quickly picked it up and read through it. Her ex-boyfriend recently bought a new car and this was the tag. I ask her casually as I am still lying on the floor of her kitchen. Â “So, did Mr. X stop by and show his sweet new ride yet?”, I said. She quickly responds “No, he wanted to I told him not to.” I confronted her afterwards and she tried to deny it, and then I hold up the tag. Â Her jaw drops and she explains this and that, and by now I simply understand it is all just bullshit. I forgave her and went on with our evening after talking about shit for hours. Now I just feel like a sucker. Â Every time I come home for a day I just feel like he is in her apartment rekindling old feelings. I have told this girl shit I wouldn’t tell a single soul.
Trust is a total joke. I can’t go on knowing that relationships are slowly counting down moments to an explosive end that involves one or the other screwing each other. Honestly it doesn’t take much to remember why I have given up on my fellow people. I am not calling this relationship quits because I can not handle being alone, but that being said, the end is in site. FML