I have been withdrawn and antisocial for years. I don’t get along with others well and I think I’ve wasted too many good chances and opportunities, and I don’t even know why I did it.
I’m tired of the world being an emotionally flat, lonely, and dreary place for me. But, I’m not so sure I want to actually die as much as leave this life and reality behind for a much, much better one. I don’t like the thought of death itself…
But, sometimes I don’t know what other choice I have besides taking the chance and seeing whether there is a better place with everything I want in it. I used to be full of hope for a good life but that evaporated over time.
I don’t know how to get it back. I’m not sure there is even a point to this.
2 comments
How old are you ?? Maybe you could travel ? I’ve heard that it can give people a new perspective on life
I so hear you on this one. I think we share the same awful feeling. The knowledge that the best is in the past and was never very good even then is almost more horrifying than seeing the bleakness ahead. Almost.
My only way of dealing with it is, if it ever gets dangerously close to that breaking point, I’m going to go away. I don’t know where yet, but I’ll go and see what happens. Shaking things up, maybe a lot might just do it. And if the point comes to where I know for certain the curtain is closing, it might be a drastic “Hey maybe a vacation in Somalia is what I need” kind of vacation. Daring, foolish – if-I’m-ready-to-end-it-I’m-diving off into the the Bermuda Triangle-kind of vacation instead of the usual methods. Money won’t matter because I’m about to be gone, so do whatever I feel like. (without involving others) of course.