I’m only 16 years old, and I’ve been thinking of suicide since I was 14 years old. Nothing ever goes right for me even if I try my hardest. I have no one I’m particularly close to, so I don’t tell anyone how I’m feeling. People purposely leave me out from things so I sit at home every night by myself. My parents are never in and they don’t understand me anyway, I listen to different music to other people so I don’t fit in because I’m different. I literally sit at home every night and think that if I killed myself no one would care. I’m so insignificant to people they wouldn’t give a shit. I hadn’t self harmed for around 4 months, but last night some girls from my school wrote all over Twitter saying that I’m a *****. This really got to me and she started an argument with me saying that nobody likes me and basically told me I’m worthless. Why can’t people understand how much words can affect someone? The only person that keeps me going is Joe. I’ve been with Joe for around 2 years so he’s known me even before I started feeling suicidal. I don’t talk to him about it though because I hate it when he gets worried. When I’m with him I think it’s the only time I actually feel alive, he makes me feel special unlike anyone else so I constantly remind myself everyday how lucky I am to have someone like that in my life. But at the same time I think why do such horrible people get things better than me, they have a boyfriend AND friends? I just don’t see how it’s fair. I can’t actually describe how I’m feeling right now it’s too complicated but basically I’m at the lowest of lows. I’m physically and mentally drained and I just need someone who understands to talk to me. I don’t really know what else to say right now because I’ve never actually got this much out before so I’m feeling scared, so I’m just going to leave it at that and hopefully I’ll find some courage to write some more later.
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24 comments
just because they look like there having fun and got it made dosen’t mean they do,your a baby at 16 get over it,you have lots of years to change things around,come on what do you expect the world at your feet? what are you hanna montana or something? just joking relax everyone feels like that when there young.i wouldn’t lie to you.
I didn’t find that funny at all, since when does age matter about how you feel, you clearly don’t understand, I’ve had to go to the hospital and doctors more than a “baby” like me should have to, I came on here for someone to understand, clearly it’s not you so please keep your awful opinions to yourself.
nobhe4d,
I absolutely apologize , very sorry ,remember I don’t know the whole story my intentions were to make you smile, I failed miserably, once again I’m sorry, it’s true though all youngsters feel like that ,I was your age and I did. I hope someone can give you the help you really need; I’m really not a bad person.
thank-you I appreciate it, I don’t think you’re a bad person you were trying to make me smile which is something people don’t really do for me so thanks, and I hope you’re right that all youngsters feel like this because I just want things to get better.
nobhe4d,
It’s true they do! Youngsters are in a very difficult situation trying to make everybody happy, having to have to listen to people, working on stuff they aren’t interested in because it good for them, and thinking gee I need to grow up I’m going to be an adult soon! What a about a job! A lover! A career! And the truth is it all comes with time not overnight it isn’t that easy, “I’ve had to go to the hospital” SORRY I HATE HOSPITALS!
I did this year to for food poisoning was there a week; don’t even want to tell you what it cost.
Yeah people say teenage years are the best years of your life but I really don’t think they are haha, thanks for commenting anyway, I didn’t think anyone actually would haha
nobhe4d,
“teenage years are the best years of your life” that’s because adults tell you that because you’re not working for money and in there eye’s you have no responsibility there jealous! well there not the best years of your life maybe for some people but not me, they were the worse years of my life, dancing to someone else’s tune, it’s a lot better when you get out on your own, it’s more exciting, and when you work you get paid! But there is a down side you work till you drop dead.
Ah well I just can’t wait till I can be more independent and don’t have to do things just so I can fit in, I can’t wait to be able to be myself
I hated high school. They were theWORST years of my life and I completely understand where your coming from. I hated school so much I started cutting class as a junior and simply never went back to school as a senior. Your right , everyone says these are are best years…not for me. I hated school so much I threw away all of year books. I did want to have any memories of all those miserable years. But I would highly recommend you go to college after you graduate . You need that to get a good job so you can be independent . That’s something I regret I didn’t do. If only I could turn back the clock….you only have a couple of years left, you’ve made it this far, you can do it. Also find something your good at . Itight help with your self confidence . You can always turn to us in time of need.
Life is never, ever fair. At least you know that when good things come your way, you’ll deserve them. Some of those people who seem to have it all now will crash and burn later and some of them will reap the rewards they never earned for many years in the future. They don’t sound like people you’d want to hang out with anyway. More people than you realize stay home every night, so don’t believe you’re any less of a person than the teenagers who seem popular now. I understand not wanting your friend to worry, but maybe you can share a little of your burden with him. Every little bit you get off your chest helps
send me their twitter account id and I will report them. No one has the right to do this. I will also fwd their attacks on you to this anti bullying network who is also able to address them: http://www.antibullying.net/
Do not take this crap from them. I will help you fight back even if you do not feel strong enough
Here is a more effective link to stopping bullying via twitter:
https://twitter.com/StopBullyingGov
rocketman you said you were sorry but you completely discounted and minimized her experience and chalked it up to age. I am an adult and I resent someone saying this to someone at any age.
You managed down her experience and while you apologized I am calling you out on your shit. Nothing you said helped – in fact it hurt her and she had the guts to say so yet you go on saying the same fucking shit.
Leave her the fuck alone if you can’t accept her truth. You are a thorn in the side of all of us who winced at your careless words.
What they are doing to you on twiter is illegal and they can be put in deep shit for doing it. Please take screen shots of what they post and report it to your local authorities. Cyber bulling is not taken lightly anymore, it is very serious and the law is on your side.
Also I hated being a teen, I loved the independance I got when I left home. For most people teens are the best part of their life, but for some of us being an adult is better.
Goodluck Nobhe, remember what those people said was wrong, their is nothing wrong with you, and you are always welcome here.
@keepBreathing what he said was insensitive, but he did apologize, starting a fight on here isnt going to help Nobhe. This is her story, not your fight.
KeepBreathing4Now,
Sorry i can’t do that for you! you sound a little messed up yourself! everything i said was true! and speaking of harsh! wow you get the prize! i’m glad it’s just not me! however that doesn’t make you right. calm down tiger! erroww!
Keepbreathing…keep breathing. Nobody is bullying nobody . We’re all here to help. Rocketman did apologize. He means no harm.
If I report them and take it further I’ll get called attention seeking and I don’t need that people already say I am:/ this is my first time on this website and I’m really glad I found it, it’s good to have people to talk to and not people bringing me down all the time. All I want is to feel like I’m actually wanted by a group of people, but people just don’t seem to like me and I’m not sure why. I try my hardest but I never get anything in return from the people at my school, I can’t take it anymore.
WE LIKE YOU! <3
I JUST LEARN THAT!
Nobhe4d, you are loved hear on this site the way you are.
Hi noble, (since you have a name with numbers, can I just call you that?) I’ve read your story, and really I can relate. At least you have friends here 🙂 and sometimes friends are a bit over rated. Some of mine are pretty abusive, I think you’ll find it better to start just making friends on this site.
Sorry…that was kinda a jumbled message
thanks guys it really does mean a lot to me x
🙂 even though I ’twas last to post and didn’t help at all; anytime noble, it’s good to have you here.
nobhe4d,
woooooooo! i had to go back over what i first said and i had to read your post over,again i’m sorry i was trying to make you smile,sometimes i talk to people and i think they really know me,i would never try to Hurt your feelings, I’m not making up excuses but i did say i was joking,so……………………. would you please please forgive this old fool.