Confusion and Mistreatment

Oh Hai there!  I’m brand new to this site and got recommended to view this, and peoples’ posts occasionally.  I’m really interested in what people have to say about how I view life.

So, let me first off by saying my name is Alex and i love listening to music! It’s what relieves stress from my horrid present.  A clear understanding of what lies ahead.  I typically look for a girl with that certain feeling of being on top and achieving anything.  A smile in my darkest moments.. I sometimes walk home crying for no reason what so ever.  Maybe its because of my sick and cruel society, living here makes me wonder why i haven’t turned around and become a walking zombie just to live life as fast as possible.  Even when insanity slaps you across the face, there’s a chance of a light showing your path, you just have to look for it and actually try.  It isn’t going to just show up on your doorstep asking to be your personality.

Anyways, this year has been one of my favorites! Then again, i say that about every year!  So, this year in the beginning of  the year, I tried being a soulless human who shows no emotion in school.  My plan was to get through high school fast.  Until at around the time i saw peoples faces, meeting all these new people.   They showed me that you can be friends with anyone.  I may be one that’s a very awkward type of person, but its not my fault.  I communicate horrible through my voice and i always stink at presentations.  I speak better through my words and is a normal person on paper or a word document.  I’m no typical guy, who wants just to fit in with the crowd, i only have one best friend and a could other friends who will probably become fails.  I love pink, i listen to j-pop and mostly trance electronic.  The only way to determine whether or not you want to focus on what you want, you need to give effort.

This year, as i said i wanted to become another walking zombie, but meeting a friend from a childhood memory and moving away from everything had me in a crazy realization moment where I had to try my hardest and fall even for everything.  Her beauty bestowed upon me, was eventful and her face set off a bomb in my heart that lit my whole soul just to finally become who i am today.

For some reason i’m always mad at those who cant carry the’re own lives.  But to suffer.  To wish for a perfect community would be challenging. If only everything added up to a simple math problem and life could be as easy as 123.

NOW, time to get to why i’m even posting this, over the summer i met a girl who i actually loved for the first time.. We lasted quite a while, until i had friends over for some pizza. I haven’t told many of my friends I had a girlfriend. Some days during school, i would be depressed and couldn’t wait just to talk to her, my best friend asked me if i was ok, and yeah of course ill smile pretty for the camera but love obviously changes perceptions.  I left my facebook on and my girlfriend name April messaged me, and being the curious human he is, he messaged her dirty things and broke up with her there.  I forgot about my facebook, so two days later i wondered why she wasn’t messaging me her Good Mornings that helped me get up and actually live another day. I got on my skype, and couldn’t find her name.  She had blocked me, i asked all my friends if they knew a girl by the name of April, and the one came up to me and told me everything. I read the messages, i wasn’t mad at my friend, but mad at the things she meant towards me.. Being my first love, i was so angry, with myself and life.  I wanted her back so much.  I texted her a “hai” every day until eventually our interests for each other just died… I still miss her to this day, i message her like once a month and to only get obnoxious and immature comments on my personality, if i had a chance to be with her again, i would take it anytime.

Thanks for having the time to read this, and advice on how to get rid of this temporary love sickness?