December 6th Rant

I go into a classroom today to get something for another teacher. the classroom? The one holding my exboyfriend who i am still in love with, and his new girlfriend!! Everyone in that class KNOWS what has happened.. well they know enough that it’s nothing good. Everyone stared at me the entire time i was in there.. i was in there for almost 10 minutes.. i really just wanted to cry. but i cant show that to people! NO ONE at my school can know how weak i truely am… how pathedic i really am…

I told my mom and my dad, and neither one really cared all that much.. my mom more than my dad.. but still. My father was being a fucking asshole about it.. saying “You care too much” “you just think that everyones looking at you” “why would they care”  and other bullshit like that. in my head i was screaming I FUCKING KNOW THAT! THATS PART OF THE PROBLEM. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

sorry SP im just really fucking pissed off..

people i am close to act like the care, or know how i feel.. but they dont! they have no fucking idea how much fucking pain i feel every fucking day.

I get scared to walk down the hallways.. i dont like to walk the halls between classes alone, but i usually do. i dont have anyone to walk me to class. Im scared. Scared ill see Travis, or worse, Travis and Morgan together.. sometimes i am so tempted to go up and kiss him and hug him and just attack him with love and other sexual habbits.. but i cant. he has a girlfriend. i have  “moved on”  and its usually in the middle of the school day that this happens..

i know peoples lives are worse, and that they have alot of other problems that are ALOT worse than mine.. but that doesnt mean my problems dont hurt.. doesnt mean my problems dont matter.