I hate myself, because I can’t just enjoy myself and be happy. I am conditioned this way, to feel sad. Changing is fucking hard. It’s not some simple act of will. People who aren’t down, depressed, whatever you call it, are so fucking clueless. They think it’s all your own fucking fault. It’s like someone breaking their arm and another person asking what their problem is – why can’t you use it anymore? What’s wrong with you? It’s not so god damn simple.
I wish I could just be happier. My life is ridiculously “good”. I have come to realize that another person in my place would be very happy and could enjoy themselves. It’s just me. It’s “just” mental.
I am healthy, young, attractive, make a high income through my own business and travel the world seeing what other places are like. And yet here I am, posting on a suicide forum. I would kill myself, except I can’t do it to my mother. I can’t bear how bad it would be for her.
19 comments
exactly. i feel awful for being like that when everything is good in my life too. i feel as if i’m spoiled and ungrateful. i still feel it is my fault, but i can see you’re older and wiser than i am.
i am also postponing my suicide while my parents are still alive.
You are more normal than you realize.
blackhole: somehow it makes me sad and also relieved to hear things like that. Relieved there are others, but sad that it is normal to feel so crap even when things are good. What hope is there if it’s normal to feel like killing yourself when things are good.
tralala: I’m 29. Not that old. I guess. The problem is I estimate it will be 20 years at least till my mother is gone, so I have to try and enjoy my life if I’m going to continue living in the meantime. Sometimes I wonder if I can make it that long though.
I feel so lonely, even though I have friends, have had girlfriends, one of them very close. I constantly feel something is missing, and down. My confidence and esteem are pathetic. I wish I could take more chances.
HEY! Ii’m just like you! except ” healthy, young, attractive, make a high income through my own business and travel the world seeing what other places are like”
i’m kidding i’m just like you but old! dammit
anyways yep you got to stick around for mom! me it’s my father!
and like it or not your not alone that’s life.
How old are you?
The saddest thing is feeling that in 10 years I’ll be 39 and feeling the same, except with an even bigger pile of missed opportunities. I know it’s up to me to make them happen. I know that.
hadldhjf,
dammit you had to ask! 56 yeah that’s right dam near twice as old as you! yeah i’ve had to put up with bad times and good times and i had to watch my mother die! but i was there holding her hand, so………. i know how you feel, “missed opportunities” but they may go but they don’t stop comming like that dam energizer bunny. i don’t know what a sound like right now i think i’ll make this moment a good opportunity to get a drink.
I like what you said. They may go but they don’t stop coming. That really hit me.
It makes me sad when I think about how I mess things up – or more likely – don’t even try. When it matters, I don’t try or I fail. When it doesn’t matter, I don’t even care.
thank you!
just remmember the more you put into it ,the more you get and that goes for shit too!
Honestly, I am close to making final preparations to kill myself. Including preparing bank accounts, documents and so on to make things quicker to deal with when I’m gone. I have a very secure method to kill myself, but it would involve travelling far and obviously some guts.
Suicide takes a lot of guts. We all know that here. But don’t let anyone tell you different.
hadldhjf,
Yep I made my arrangements too! so I could go anytime ,but I’m not ready, it’s good to be prepared that comforting in itself, and yes it does take guts it’s a very hard decision to make
The method I have chosen is painless and simple, but not available in most countries. You can probably figure it out. But for that reason I worry it may not be available for all that much longer. I don’t want to be left having to do something much harder.
does it have anything to do with the letter “H” Good choice. you can always put a couple to the side,and there are others that you can switch. it’s there if you really need it. so take a deep breath pardon the pun,and relax theres no race.
It’s the letter N. The holy grail of methods.. it’s just a matter of time till it’s not available I think, which worries me. But then many things make me anxious.
the letter N. The holy grail of methods. this is true! it’s the letter H that maybe harder to find some day if the world catches on and like everyone is doing it,but! these things will always be availible. if you really want them so relax about that where do you live?
UK, and you?
USA Baby! home of the BRAVE! Elvis Presley and Honey Boo Boo!
Yea… we’re the home of the… err.. NHS, the stiff upper lip, and no physical contact?
hadldhjf,
YUCK! I LIKE THE USA BETTER! FREE LOVE HERE! YIPPIE!
I just can’t get past the idea of hurting my mother so much, but I don’t want to continue living either. In some ways this is like hell.