So It has been 8 days since I started to try and change my view on the world and my life. I have decided to stop playing games as a hobby and instead I am going to do something else. I haven’t figured out what it is yet. 🙂
I did my core work today, meditation, some study and research into AI algorithms for path finding.  All in all it was an ok day. I don’t have much to do because I have a week off to study for my finals and I guess I’m just trying to get into the swing of things. Studying is so difficult isn’t it.
I have not thought about suicide, or I haven’t considered it in a while now. So I hope I am starting to get better.
I am still looking for that ever elusive loved one. Could be awhile yet I fear.
I am going to see my doctor tomorrow, this will be our final session for a while. I don’t know how I feel about that. I am not in tune with the old emotions. One of my big problems I suppose.
I feel like I am no good. Like I could never make someone happy. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I do. I made one of my ex’s cry one and I will never forget it. Really, it troubles me every time I think of it. Maybe I’m just afraid of hurting someone again. I don’t know. “You know nothing Jon Snow”. Thats me Jon Snow destined to be alone.
I want to find someone, I believe or at least im starting to believe that one day I will have a family. Nothing else really matters.
ILU Ruins
1 comment
But you’re helping the people here already, Ruins! You’re giving us inspiration! And motivation! We can see that in 8 days you’re already feeling so good! It CAN work! And it will work for you! And everyone else who really tries will succeed too!
We love you here and we await to hear more! I look forward to the day when you’re completely cured! There might be drawbacks, but I’ll keep pushing you until you cross that finish line! You can make it!