tonight only 2

After good advice I am going to go to sleep and wake up with new eyes………after reading a lot of these shitty posts this site should be if you want to feel shitty come here.  I am not looking for attention or hope I will make up my own mind. I am melancholy but will prevail in my decision it is my life and I will have to deal with the everlasting life consequences if I go through that never ending despair in the end.  I am holding my breath and counting to 100 and keep realizing my life is a fary tale to some but torture to me.  I called the suicide prevention line and they told me they would call me back when I felt better….Yaaa really…tonight is between me and myself and if I have the balls to give it all up.  I have read a lot of posts and believe a lot more are screwed up than myself but everyone’s own life is there own personal if we let it be that way…with a grace and a prayer I go…and hope to find a good reason to wake up in the morning.