Well I want to die.

I’ve been out of school and it royally sucks. I don’t do much, and I hate it. But it’s not like i can change it, because I don’t have the energy to get out of bed. It’s been like that for more than a year now. I don’t do anything. I probably only like two people right now and the rest can go screw off. I don’t have much, I’m not the smartest person on earth. The only thing that kept me going was my looks. And let me explain before you call me vain. I wasn’t super good looking, I mean I was no supermodel. Didn’t get noticed a lot either, and i was so self conscious that i didn’t even enjoy it while it lasted. But i didn’t look terrible, i didn’t have to worry that i looked so bad, because i really was skinny and cute, got noticed if i wanted to and was comfortable flirting and being charming and the attention i had from that was the only thing that made me feel good. And I don’t have that anymore. I’m now fat. I started starving myself and it’s working, but I know it’s only a matter of time before all the negative effects come. Hair thinning, disgusting skin. It’s all starting. I used to eat whatever I wanted and still look great. Guess I wasnt allowed to cheat life too long… And Its the hardest because now im not used to having it the hard way… I spend my days watching old videos and crying. Im the vainest most pathetic person ever. Maybe i miss what the old me had, not only physically but everything else. i had so many friends… I had a future for gods sake. Well I didnt obviously but i didnt know it yet.