It isn’t so much that I want to die, its just that I can’t imagine continuing as I am. So you are forced to make a choice, WHICH PAIN would you prefer?
I’ve “been there/done that” as far as what to do on my own to “get better”. The truth is nothing has helped but now it is exacerbated by the fact that I am getting so much older now, a non-productive, useless, meaningless life that is if anything a “pain” to my few relatives I have. So I don’t buy that “not fair to them” theory people are always throwing out. Yes, they’d be initially shocked probably but after all is said and done they’d be better of, no more me/the downer to ruin things. So far the fear of eternal damnation, the POSSIBILITY of it has kept me from acting. But I think its entirely plausible that sometimes its just too hard to keep going. There was a newscaster here who committed suicide about a year ago and everyone was shocked because he appeared to have a lot going for him, a wife and a new baby, a good job, he was attractive and funny and people liked him. I have none of that going for me so why would someone like me hang on when someone like him chose to leave? I’m just tired of dragging me around, inflicting my useless/downer self on my children. I love them dearly but I’m not helping them. They are tired of me being the way I am and don’t really want to talk about it. I’m out of options except for a very important few.