Have you been abandoned by everyone you know?
Do you feel depressed, angry, alone, or scared?
Has the world screwed you over on at least one occasion?
Do you ever cry or scream when you are alone?
Do you feel like nobody understands you?
Do you have an account on Suicide Project?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you may qualify for a free friendship!
This special offer will always be open, but it wouldn’t hurt to apply now!
Why wait? Contact the following people to start your free trial period: ANYBODY!!!
16 comments
What kind of limitations and restrictions apply? Is there no purchase necessary? Is there a toll-free number I can call? What about a license terms and agreement I need to comply to? Minuscule, fine print I need to read? Buyer beware, warnings and cautions? Purchase at your own risk?
But on a serious note, I’ll be here to talk to you if you’d like. 🙂
Limitations and restrictions: Must be human. Or a cute animal.
No purchase necessary!
Call toll-free at 1-800-CHEERUP.
That’s 1-800-CHE-ERUP.
License terms and Agreement: Must be 5 years or older to order.
Caution: You might get into a better mood.
Warning: Your negativitiy will be at serious risk of vanishing.
Purchase at your own risk? Nah, no risks. ;P
c:
Oh, and buyer beware, the fine print is nothing but koalas!
Knocked out two in one there khajiit ;D
this is so cute <3
Hmm. Well let’s see… I do believe I’m older than 5 years. I wouldn’t mind shedding my sorrow and discontentment…I haven’t much to lose… I think I’ll confirm my purchase here. Do you accept credit or debit? Paper or plastic? What about Paypal? Or must I mail my order? 😉
We accept hugs.
Don’t worry. Virtual ones work.
Well then here, my fine good sir. Please do take my virtual, pixelated hug: *hugs*
Sorry sir, your hugs came back as counterfeit. What do you have to say for yourself!?
Counterfeit? False I say, false! Perhaps there is an error with your method of hug-authentication?
You know, we haven’t had an inspection in awhile. Maybe…
I suspect as much. Think of all the innocent huggers whose hugs have been falsely labeled as “fraud”. How disheartening!
O. M. G.
Let us right this terrible wrong. (I’m so tired, don’t mind my incoherent responses)
Yes. The wrong must be righted.
TO THE PRESS!
Cheer Up would like to announce that from this day forward, hugs will be an optional part of admittance. We apologize for any inconvenience that the Hug Scandal has caused you. If you would still like to donate hugs, feel free to do so, and we greatly appreciate it.
Amen. Hallelujah.