Lets start from the beginning, I’ve been severely depressed since about six, when my parents got divorced, and my father comitted suicide when I was seven. I’m nineteen now and turn twenty on the first of May. I just recently found this site and read some stories, mostly about people more courageous than I that either lived or succeeded in escaping this hellish reality. Never really had any friends, started drinking at age sixteen and it made things slightly more bearable, and I was able to run from these feelings for a while. Recently they have re-surged, and I haven’t been able to hide them, it’s getting worse. I’ve been seriously considering suicide since my parents split up. I’ve had a few chances to end this shit, but I was too afraid.
Anyway, I was trying to find a way to suppress these feelings and I began to indulge more and more, but the effort was futile. I just cut myself for the first time with a dull skinning knife that I sharpened a bit. It hurt at first, but when I finally broke the skin I felt, believe it or not, euphoria, something I thought I would never feel.
A few weeks ago I decided that I would end my sorry existence on my twentieth birthday with a helium bag. But after my experience earlier I’ve been wondering why I don’t just go down the road on my forearms and feel this ecstasy for my last moments. Just thought I’d let some strangers, who might actually pretend to give a shit, know at least a portion of why I am doing this before I do it. I’ll be back on my birthday to say goodbye and all that.
2 comments
I’d urge you to reconsider if only because of the damage you could do with an unsuccessful attempt.
Looking forward to the sequel. Good luck with the final cut!