My story…

I was never able to understand the reason I live. Now it’s even more of a mystery to me. I feel the emptiness inside me. Everyone told me that if I dwell in the present and work for future everything will be fine. It only worsened the case.
During my school days, I was very successful as a student but I always longed for friendship as I was not well from the age of one. Looking at kids playing appeared like a miracle to me. My only friends were the books. By Gods grace I recovered from my illness after 10 years. I thought my life is going to change now.
Yes, it did change, I was sexually abused by my relatives. My father left my mother and as we were associated with her, he willingly left us too. Finances became a major problem. I remember the day when we only had one piece of bread to share between the four whom my dad left. Again after many years god showed some mercy on us and our finances became better.
I don’t know from where I got the courage to fall in love after so many sexual abuses, rapes etc. May be to get one more sad incident into my kitty. No genius work he showed love only because he wanted to teach me a lesson. I know I am a dumbo. I only longed for true friendship and love throughout my life.
I tried to commit suicide almost 5 times, I don’t even have the courage to try again.
My family loves me. I am one of the major supports to my mother. I wear a false smile in front of everyone. God has always taken me out of problems. Is it essential that every time I have to wait for years for a betterment? Deep down I am no more than a dead person with no hopes. I have responsibilities to live for so I have to continue my journey.