New. Help?

I stumbled upon this website on accident. I was looking to see if taking too many of my presecription meds would do the trick. Iguess I’m looking for some light in what has become my daily darkness. Since I was younger I’ve had anxiety issues, OCD, even depression. Those three are nasty when they are combined. Lately, it’s been coming on strong. It’s ruining my life. I live with my boyfriend. Our relationship is far from perfect but I know that we love each other. A few months ago, I cheated on him by making out on a few occasions with someone from work. I have no idea why I did this. I hate myself for it. I came clean and although he has been unfaithful in the past and has readily forgiven me, I cannot move past it myself. I feel disgusting. My OCD makes it impossible to block the thoughts about the past. I don’t think this is the main reason for all my emotional turmoil right now. I realize that it seems like the typical crying over a stupid relationship but it is so much more. I’ve been having panic attacks daily and it is just too much to bare. I feel like there is no way out. I feel like I am a failure. A whore. Like there is no coming back. I logically know that what I have done isn’t the end of the world but my body doesn’t get it. I’m still like this. I can’t shake it. It’s ruining my relationship. I don’ t know if there is anything anyone can do, but I am begging for someone to try. I am wearing out my family and my boyfriend and I can feel it. I need help.