I’ve been living the life of a sheep for years, being pushed around and told what to do by people above me, following orders and doing the same thing day in day out. I’ve tried to make friends and I’ve tried to become a better person so people will like me, but none of that ever works. Â It’s been 6 years since I first self harmed, and the rush I got from it was nice, it made me realise that we’re not made of glass, our bodies will repair. So I carried on, more and more, each time someone said something nasty or I was spoken down to, i’d cut to ease the pain. My mum noticed a cut one day and she went mental, shouting and screaming, demanding I see someone. She checked regularly for fresh cuts so I had to stop, but i’m at university now, and it’s starting again. But during the time I stopped, I became depressed, deeply.. And it hasn’t left me. Only an hour ago I became aware of the suicide of Amanda Todd, which brought me to tears and left me thinking. I’m unhappy with my life and I can’t see a way out; no friends, no money, no job, no future, no supportive family, and nobody who speaks to me like they care. I’m considering ending it, but I’m scared, naturally, so I write this in the hope there is help at the end of the tunnel and someone listens, instead of being a hopeless wanderer until the end.
2 comments
Sometimes we are tired of doing everything in benefit of people who we care about. We expect they could see our efforts and understand our love even if we don’t verbalize it. But things are often more difficult than this, aren’t they? In our quest for comprehension we start to close ourselves, drowning in our own pain and becoming insensitive to others. Yes, I know this feeling. I know what is like wanting to die so bad that you cry yourself until you are motionless. Understand it: you still have hope, you should not give up your life. I know it is difficult to overcome all the pain and only we know how it hurts, but I’m here to listen to you. Please, feel free to contact me at zracksp@yahoo.com.
Hopeless Wanderer,
Perhaps you need to stop being a sheep and become the shepherd; seize control of your life and steer it towards something meaningful. That could be further education at uni or a new job and perhaps even taking up a hobby of some sort.
I as well have no friends, money, job and my future was over before it even began. But I’m that stubborn that I still hold onto a glimmer of hope that if I stay strong, something good is bound to happen.
Don’t give up just yet, and if ever you need a friend, there are plenty here on SP and I’m more than happy to help.