It is true that everyone’s experience of the world is experienced through the ‘self’, it can’t be another way.
A person may have great empathy but even that is experienced thorough their ‘self’
This is not a matter of selfishness

I have found that one of the uses that posting on forums have is that in some way the person it writing to themselves, very much like a dream. So the techniques of dream interpretation can be used, that everything in the dream is about the dreamer.

I feel that what you wrote is coming from your soul
Your soul is saying that you aren’t seeing beyond your outward appearance/experience, that you aren’t being honest with your inner emotions which is getting in the way of your true heart.
Your inner and outer experiences/expectations are divided and creating much of the suffering you’re experiencing.

If you’re able try spending less time analyzing other people’s motives and labelling it in anyway.
Take some pressure off yourself by focusing on your heart and give it space to become the change you want to see.
That is not selfish; by being present to yourself you will be more present to others.

Small adjustments, no need of justifications, or attachment to results, the simple intention to experience the moment you’re experiencing. When you know better you do better. Cry, Laugh, Scream… whatever the moment has to offer, there is a time for everything.