I am on here all the time. Almost every day. I am becoming consumed by this feeling again. I had been happy last week. Confident for the first time for a whole week in years. But depression is forcing its way back into my heart. I try and shut the door in his face, but he is so strong. My whole self is tight because of this battle. I feel like my heart is being ripped in two. Tears are always in my eyes. My therapist says to try to just shut the door and try to not let it get inside my heart. But I can’t. This feeling is awful. One kid at school keeps joking that I should kill myself.. He doesn’t mean any harm by it and I know that. I always answer with a laugh and say someday. He doesn’t know I’m not really kidding. There are people in my world who love me, there are things I should live for now. There are not many. If I should lose them, I don’t know if it’ll be worth it for me to keep going. I try to drown out my thoughts with music, turned up so loud…. Please please make it stop….. I can’t do this
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yeah i feel the exact same way. and when i have these thoughts that i dont want to live anymore, i think the only thing that stops me is my family. i KNOW it would KILL THEM if i did that. even though im angry with them for the household i came from, i still know they love me and would not be able to go on every day after i was gone. it still hurts so bad though. i dont want to be here. i want a better life and it seems impossible. no matter how hard i try. i hate every second. im in pain every second.