Hi ya Kane here, I lost my mum when I was 3, she had bad asma, never new her, I got played around with as a kid and lost my verginity when I was 7 , got raped by my step mother age ten, after she sleeps with two guys, went two 18 primary schools be for heigh school, started living in youth accommodations / hostels age 13, I got hold of yello Asenoc, powder form, I mixed it with coffie and it taisted like rotten eggs, I started throwing up un controliby with in 10 mins, I wonted out so bad, still do, any way had realy bad diarea, the hostel. Lady found me on the ground convulsing and called an ambulance, my hart had slowed right down, still spewing and I was willing my hart 2 stop, at hospitle they stuck drips in and started stealing my blood and injecting me with stuff, real thik and in the butt, toxicity levels so heigh I had 2 have a needle every 4 hours and blood taken, I don’t like needles, so the next day I walked out of hospitle not knowing, on the run sleeped on the street the next night, the police got me next, hand cuffed me took my shoo laces and droves 2 a mentle hospitle,I was so scared, bad stuff happens , I’ve tried 2 hang my self not long ago, had bruses all around my neck with roap burn, 2nd story building, a police man cought my by the ankle, I had pored lantern oil all over my and my lighter wouldn’t light, now I cut myself all over, I stay away from people I don’t won’t 2 hert that mean so much, I’ve always been very kind ang generas and caring,I don’t trust anyone, when I walk in 2 a room I look around first 2 see what way I can come up with 2 do my self harm,I’ve been trying 2 get help, that’s not working, have 2 wait 4 week 2 see the psychologist and I don’t feel save, I punish my self and hide behind a smile, on my birthday on newyears eve I sharpend my knife, realy rusty, set my alarm on my phone 4 twenty 2 twelve, that’s when I was born, had music blasting my ears, knife raised and ready 2 smash it through my chest, there must b a flaw in I phones? Alarm won’t go off when your listening 2 music,every day I come up with a new way 2 kill my self, Cutting and nicking over and over 5-6 hundred times in one night, that wast birthday wish! I don’t even look when I cross the road, now I’ve been loosing 2 my self agen, I’m worried , not sleeping , not eating, lost 18 kg, just eating once a day, and if I get stressed or feel thretend, I go Quiet, I blame my self 4 every think,well I don’t no, silence is noisey, I’m not a bad person and if you treat my like shit, I’ll crack and crumble and snap inside, that’s all thanks sory of I affended you .
1 comment
I’m sorry for all of it. I hope you’re somewhere safe