Lonely..

I just feel lonely. Even in a room filled with people I feel lonely. It’s killing me inside knowing that there’s no one who can really understand me, no one who I can talk to, no one who can be my friend. I’ve read stories of people in their teenage years who had a crisis, but being surounded by people who you know that would hate having someone bisexual around them is devastating. I tried and tried and tried and every goddamn time it’s always the same: nobody to talk to and those who might seem interested turn you down telling me really silly reasons. Last week I’ve found on the Internet this guy who seemed very nice and interesting and I asked him if he wanted to go out for a walk. He was alright but afterwards he said that he didn’t have time and money and that he already programmed his weekend and things like that. I always thought of myself as being insistent but now I think that I’ve grown up and maybe I just grew up with this fear of being rejected. When I was younger good grades were satisfting, but i’ve grown tired of it. I DON’T WANT TO BE A MODEL STUDENT. I WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO. Not really everyone knows what real friendship knows, I just want someone who can keep my secret. I feel depressed, tired, not motivated, mad, probably insane and I’m sorry. I always said I’m sorry when I did something wrong or maybe I thought I did wrong. I just want to be free and to change. My mind and my body just can’t stand this suffering anymore. Sometimes I just feel like tearing apart my body just to set me free. I’m just confused and lonely.