This is goodbye. To everyone who cared i am so sorry for this. Ive been in a drak place for a few years and there is nothing in my life to keep me from doing this. I have been struggling and no one ever seems to care. i just cant keep pretending to be happy when im not. The smile i wore was fake and you all thought i was happy but the demons inside me were too much to bear. I am sorry if i hurt anyone but please know that i am going to be in a happier place. Please dont cry for me.
I tried to reach out for help but i didnt want to be doped up on meds because its not the right way to live. I tried to reach my pastor for help. multiple time in the last few months. He never returned my calls or my emails. i wanted to find peace with god before i did what im goin to do.
The other reason for me killing myself is because of my sexuality. Im gay and im alone and afraid of being alone forever. Ive never told any of my family because i was afraid of being disowned and alone even more. only friends knew of my sexuality.
Also all the years of name calling and being bullied and beat played a role in this. It has taken such an emotional toll on my life that i cant function at all, i cry daily multople times a day and im tired of it.
To Melissa please dont weep. I am no longer suffering. You are not to fault for this. i love you mom no matter what decisions you ever made in your life you are always mom nothing will change that.
To Pat i am sorry for being a disappointment. i tried to fix my life i tried to make u proud and i just kept failing. All the failure ive experinced in my life has played a principal part of my suicide. I love you and i wish you the best..
To Ben you are my brothet i love you with my whole heart this may be hard on you but i know you will be okay. Just know that your the one person who has kept me alive this ling,. you have not failed me i failed myself. jus remeber even tho this will be hard ill always be there spiritually. once agian i love you bro
To Tyler what can i say you made me proud brother. you turned your life around and you are goin to have a bright future a head of you i love you and i wish you the best.
To Amy and Rob thank you for accepting me as your brother i appreciate it even if you guys hate me it means the world to me to know you guys where there to suppot me growing up and accepting me as i grew up in the household.
Furthermore any of my possessions i have i leave to Ben any money and any physical things are Bens.
I love you all and i am sorry for everything.
Trevor Carr
1 comment
It saddens me that people still feel driven to suicide because of their sexuality. I hope you find peace and acceptance