The car door shuts and I walk to my house, not letting him see the tears that stream down my face. I know its the last time I’ll take this brutal walk. He stares down at the letter that I left for him on his seat,his fingers pick it up carefully as my front door closes. The last words I tell him ring in both our heads, “remember I love you, and don’t read it until I’m inside okay?” He nods softly and hugs me goodbye. I walk up to my room and fall to the floor, tears pouring down my face. I know I just signed away his happiness too. I almost think I can hear him start to open the letter. The small crinkle that seals the deal and the sound as he starts to feel tears pouring down his eyes from the words that fill his brain while he reads the story that I took so long to write. It’s signed in little loops forever yours… always yours, blue.. p.s. I love you. He runs into the house just in time to hear it…. Bang… its to late. He can’t save me from the pain I feel. I can hear him, he’s laying over my broken body. My scar covered broken body. Tears are pouring onto my lifeless heart. He wonders why I couldn’t just go to him… why I couldn’t just forget.. I place my hand on his shaking shoulders one last time and kiss his forehead then I’m gone. I’m no longer on this earth. I’m no longer a being.
I watch from above as the black parade falls into the church. I see faces I haven’t seen in 10 years. They all stare at the girl that they thought they knew. They use to see her little innocent smile, her utter happiness, her body full of life. Now all it is, is a broken down doll. I see tears pouring down faces and I just wish I could tell them to be happy. To smile, ‘m okay now. I’m not in pain anymore. But it wouldn’t help, they still wish they would have seen the signs.. The scars on my wrists, the bruises on my heart, the tears on my cheeks.. But it wasn’t meant to happen that way.. I wasn’t meant to be a burden to anyone else happiness. From above I look around his face, the one I last saw before I took my last breath. There he stands, right by my side, like he had always been. He’s holding my hand softly and staring at my closed eyes that will never reopen. He whispers something in my hearing less ears and I lean down from the heavens to listen. “you should have told me… I loved you to babygirl…..” My still heart lurched and my angel eyes sprung tears. People came and said good bye to me for a last time, he stood back. Still not leaving my side. Then I was gone again.. They lowered me to the dirt ground, singing softly to the words of my favorite song. The one for so long I wish people would have realized was my cry for help…. “HOld on baby I’m loosing it, waters High I’m jumping into it and letting go, but no one knows…” I watch as he says goodbye one last time and walks away. His eyes are no longer filled with tears, he’s cried out. I follow him home and out to the shed. For hours he just sits there staring in silence at where I once sat next to him, talking for hours. Then I notice… I notice the gun in his hand, I’m not there. I can’t talk him out of it. I can’t give him happiness because I’m gone… bang.
and my eyes open.
oh just a dream….
signed,
blue..