Again and again I find myself wishing and praying to be dead. If only I could get out of here I wouldn’t have to be in so much pain all of the time. If only I had to courage to actually do something for real that would take me out. If only…but the days go by and still I’m here, a desperately sad and lonely person who can’t stop crying. I’ve lost so much and I don’t think I can bear it. Nor do I have to wherewithall to do what I have to do to move on. I just don’t want to. I feel that I will never find a boyfriend who truly loves me and wants to marry me; never really have a career; never have children. As woman in her 40’s I just can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never find true love. The idea of starting over is so heavy, my heart aches. I’m so heart broken, depressed, sad…and it’s getting in the way of everything. I desperately need a job…has anyone out there ever lost hope? If you have you know the lonely place I dwell
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4 comments
I’m nearly your age and I’m trying to accept the prospect of being single for the rest of my life, never having a family. It sucks. I feel like I need to shut off the “love” part of my brain completely because like you I can’t stand it anymore…my heart is so dumb and it just causes nonstop pain if I listen to it.
I hope things get better for you :\
I’m sorry both of you are so lonely. I haven’t had as many years to stew in the misery as you have, but 27 isn’t anything to sneeze at. I know what it’s like to feel the ache.
With that said, I know there are men your age still out there because my personal trainer is approaching 50 and he’s still using dating websites. There are still good men out there who carry their own set of baggage. Everyone is going to look a little worse for the wear and have a few skeletons in their closet by that age. It’s normal.
Honestly the best thing you can do is take care of your body and join a dating site. Most people your age have let themselves go, and being different than that gives you a leg up on the others. Expecting Mr. Right to just drop into your lap may take more time than any of us realistically have left; you’re going to have to go looking for it.
That being said, you never know what’s around the corner. I just got locked up in a ward for swallowing poison, and I met a nice, cute girl there. We snuggled a bunch and now that we’re both out, we texted for about an hour and a half tonight. Hopefully we’ll hang out this week.
It’s never too late to fall in love but most people are going to have to put in some effort to find it. Unless you enjoy poison, I’d suggest creating a Match dot com account.
@Letmesleep So it was a GOOD stay in the psych ward! Congrats, guess you won’t be needing that shotgun 😀
I know there are people older than me who date. A friend at work has been trying to get me to go out to these singles events with her and some others at work, who are all my age or older. I won’t go. I have nothing to offer a guy, and I’m not capable of loving anyone the “right” way either. I’m not single because I’m unlucky — I’m single because I fuck everything up. I’m the common denominator in all these failures, so obviously it’s me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Sooner or later they all figure out I’m unlovable, even if they won’t admit it.
I was okay before because I didn’t think myself capable of falling in love again, and I didn’t want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. He proved me wrong and I wish to God he hadn’t since he just threw me away in less than a year. That saying “it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” is bullshit. I’ve never been so sad for so long over a guy. It doesn’t go away.
Glad you’re Ok, LMS.