The reason I said I’m all right on my own is because I’d rather be alone because I chose to, instead of dealing with desperate attempt of socializing, only to receive rejection.
I feel like a puzzle piece that simply doesn’t fit.
I hate how they are all normal, being happy over happiness and being sad over sadness, and I am an emotional wreck instead. I hate worrying about things people don’t even remember. I hate how at some point they tell you they’ll stay and leave you the next day. I hate how I say how I feel only to get responses of confusion and mocks. I hate thinking how people would react when they found out. I hate revealing this secret to one person I thought I can trust only to find him saying that I don’t have that much of a serious problem. I hate how people making distance from me, excluding me from their community.
And please believe me when I say I know the theory. I know I have things I should be grateful for. I know I’m the one over-thinking and over-analyzing stuffs, making things harder than it is. I know I should try to involve. But they say friends are the family you chose, so why did no one choose me?
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I know how that feels..when i was younger it wasn’t like that..people liked me…now they seem to hate me.. i feel like everyone talks behind my back..nobody likes me..
Yesterday, i was in the subway and there was a group of people ..one of them pointed at me, and they we’re trying not to make it obvious that they we’re looking at me..
I also confessed what i felt to someone that i thought would be there for me…and he called me crazy..and said i should not worry, he had hard times too and turned out to be fine… I tried to tell him that i won’t be, that i need help..but he never understood.. And you know what’s the worst part… He caused this…he triggered my depression..i was fine before i met him.. and then he changed my whole life..
I’m also over-thinking everything and i always seem to be the only one that doesn’t fit in… i don’t know what to do to make things better..i’ve tried so hard to fit in..i just can’t…
Do you feel like talking? It would be great to talk to someone who understand what I mean. Hope life gets better for you.