So today it is Queensday here in Holland, and the past night there was a lot of fun too in the whole country. But guess what, no one asked me to do anything tonight. As a amtter of fact no one even bothers to talk to me no more, it is like I dont even exist.

I still have to wait 3 months(that’s the soonest, it is probably even longer) before my useless therapy starts. Every day just goes a bit worse, and pretty much since I started to get treatment a year ago things went from bad to worse, and it is still going worse. Every night I am having nightmares, and the days arent much better either. Every damn thing that I have told to the persons who are supposed to help me have been discarded and it is all blamed on my autism, which apparantly is so bad I am suddenly unable to think for myself.

Apparently my bad sleep rhythm, my inability to care for myself, and my locking myself out of the world are all problems caused by autism. Ofc that is logical since that has only started since a few years ago, and also because people always leave me.

Seriously, why cant there ever be someone that understands me, loves me for who I am and not just treats me well because I was a fun person that one day? I am always the one that is left alone, it is always my feelings that are hurt. Why cant I just find someone who understands me? Why cant I find someone that loves me for who I am? Why cant I find someone that supports me? I am really just believing that such people just dont exist and that every human being is a fucking hypocrite only interested in possession.