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 I’m 25 years old and have been suffering from depression since the age of 12. My depression ranges from moderate to severe throughout the years, and now it is back to severe depression. The symptoms I have are the usual suicidal thoughts, anxiety, apathy, feelings of guilt and worthlessness as you all have experienced if you suffered from depression. My story began when I was around 12 years old when I had to relocate to another country which meant leaving behind family and friends in New York. I first attempted to suicide when I was 13 on December 31, 2000 in which I had planned on drowning myself in a pool. However, I failed to do so as I felt so guilty doing so as I wasn’t sure how my parents would react to my suicide. I wasn’t afraid of death, I was just thinking of my family at the time. From that night I made a vow to not die until I repay back my debt to my parents for raising me, that was the least I could do. So I went through life as a dead person and had to try to put on a facade daily which was draining. The music from the rock band Linkin Park really helped me throughout my teen years as I kept my emotions all bottled up inside and knew one day it may lead me down a road of self destruction. I took an interest in combat sports such as Thai Boxing which helped me keep my sanity, it was all I had. I mostly take part in solitary physical activities as I feel like I need to be alone anyways. My plan was to join the military after high school and work there for as many years as I can go so I could save up money and pay back my parents. Afterwards, I would end my life. I have never spoken to anyone about my suffering I have kept this to myself for over 12 years until now. I think I should have reached out for help when it first began, but I was afraid nobody would help me so I never asked for help. Presently, I cannot achieve my goal of repaying my parents since I am unemployed and grinded through college 2 years ago and cannot get a decent job. I am at the end of my rope and have tried my best to continue on in life, but fate seems to have other plans for me no matter what I choices I make. If I die now then all my misery was for nothing since I was bound to fail in the first place. . Â