im just a depressed kid

please read and comment sorry if i didn’t type good and please dont comment” u dont know how hard my life is” m not tryng to compete
hi. internet .
i’m sorry for using you website m not suicida,l but i am
m 12 and in middle school.i have friends but they’re not real. never had a boyfriend. dont say oh your to young.that wont help. ive had a helpless crush on a guy for 8 month. but he hates me. and he has a gf that he’s in love with, like obsessed. ok so my friends only need me if 1.they need money 2.i have food 3.they need anything. i have reputation at the school, everyone knows me as the weird one with glasses buts stupid, they can be mean to but im to weak to fight back an because m too “nice”. i have to use my high voice and be silly and nice and not ever be sad. Things are gong bad because I’ve cried 6 times last week. i have allot of depression . but i also get headaches alot so i go to a nueroligist and he said maybe its for stress and to go to a therapist but my mom said im fine and im a perfect student. i kept hinting her to take me so i can get all of this out but she said no. i don’t cut either because im a scaredy cat and im scared it’ll hurt but want to cut so people will see how depressed i am.
But no one know that i just want to kill myself 🙁