it.

Dear it,
Been in your situation. The first thing that popped to mind when I read your post is “yeah, it may not get better, but it does get different”. I don’t know if I’m clear. This is what I figured out by living through my own ‘sh*t’, that sh*t changes. So I’m always curious how it’s going to be different. Don’t you feel like that sometimes? I didn’t realize it until recently, in January I somehow figured out that that is how it ‘has gotten better’ for me. This is my version of ‘it gets better’. Meaning, I’m always looking forward to see how my life evolves, even if just from some sort of sh*t to another, maybe I am curious by nature, so I can’t really give up because I want to know what’s going to happen next. I hadn’t realized that is how my mind works. That is why I’d always seeked help to get out of my thoughts and out of depression (for 18 years, half my life) because there was a little tiny part inside my head somewhere telling me “I know how you’re supposed to be and this is not it”. So how I’m supposed to be has always been inside me, a tiny part of me, I just need more of it, I need it to grow. We know we’ll never be like “everybody else” all we can hope for is to be a slightly brighter version of ourselves from time to time. So when I got this ‘epiphany’ in January, it was as if a “corn” became a “popcorn”, something in my consciousness expanded and there was no turning back. I don’t know if this helps but try to stay curious, your sh*t may surprise you.