Wow. I never expected to be here. In the past I’ve never felt this way. I mean, I’ve never wanted to kill myself. But recently, it’s just hit me like a wave of depressing thoughts. It started in the back of my head, and slowly it’s moved forward. Now it’s all I can think about. The worst thing is that I don’t know why I’m thinking these thoughts. People say ‘It’s just your age’ or ‘It’s the hormones’ but I know it’s not (I’m 15 by the way). I can’t eat anymore. I’m just not hungry. I’m not full either. I’m just…. nothing. I pretended to be sick just so I wouldn’t have to eat. Increasingly I detest the sight of myself in the reflection. Like, really I HATE it. It’s unbearable.
I know exactly how I would do it as well. There’s this little wooded area near where I live. I’d take myself there to do it. I don’t want to say how I would, because honestly I don’t know. I’m quite squeamish about pain, which sucks.
Jesus I don’t know where this is going. I just needed to tell someone. Anyone.
Thanks for your time.
14 comments
Sometimes it’s good to get these things off our chest. So what now, after this revelation.
Honestly… I haven’t a clue. I guess I’ll see how it goes. I’m searching painless ways to commit suicide. It’s not looking promising. What I’m most scared of is hitting a really bad day. Like, a really REALLY bad day. Haven’t had one in a while, I’m worried it’s just building up.
The question’s not rhetorical. AoA is actually looking for ideas. So am I, by the way 😉
Thanks for sharing a part of your story. And welcome aboard, Sometimesitallmakesnosense.
There’s something else important. I’ve asked several people on here how the change their avatars. In the end, I gave up trying to figure it out. If they want to keep it a secret then fine, I’m not sharing my pearls of wisdom either.
I think all I can do – all anyone can do – is struggle through. Not that that’s a good idea. I hope someone can come along and enlighten us.
I don’t actually know… Sorry!
My depression first showed it’s ugly face at age 16 and it STILL haven’t left me. I’m 26 years old and I’m so FED UP with this life but I don’t have the guts to kill myself because I’m afraid to go to hell
I knew you were going to say that, I just knew it. That’s what everyone says. It must happen by magic.
hey! I know how scared you feel because I feel the same thing. I’m quite suicidal myself and every time I think about how much I want to die I get scared and panicky. It’s like lets be real we’re not gonna commit suicide because for me, I’m too scared of the pain I know I will feel. Also if you fail, then life after that is gonna suck, depending on how you try to commit suicide you might have brain damage, paralyze yourself, or something else. It’s true that people in the past have commit suicide but you’ve got to have some serious balls to do that and to suffer through that pain. I’ve researched the numerous ways to commit suicide and I’ve decided that fuck I simply am too scared to go through the pain so I’ve left college and I’m going to get some intensive therapy and I’ve changed my medication. Maybe you should try some therapy or meds?
This site runs something called WordPress, so google “wordpress change avatar” There are some explanations, but it also depends on how WordPress is configured here. So you might need to try more than one suggestion if it doesn’t work at first.
I don’t personally believe in a heaven or a hell, but I’m still slightly scared there will be nothing or something bad. But at the same time I’m kind of curious to find out. I call it man’s last great adventure.
I used to be afraid of the possibility that there will be nothing, but not anymore. It’s far better than burning in hell or feeling depressed.
I’m 15 as well, and i’d just like to tell you from experience, your not alone.
I got put in a mental health hospital over a year ago, for depression, suicide attempts, anorexia, and self-harm..and i’m yet to leave the hosiptal.
I still have many days when i need my life to end, it’s not that i want it to, i NEED it to, because i physically can’t carry on like this, but you just have to will yourself through it. I’m not coming on this site, preaching about life, or being all ‘just do it, it’s easy’ because i know IT’S ANYTHING BUT EASY.
But someone once told me suicide is selfish, and that’s stuck with me. Because no matter how much you think no one will care, or no one will notice, your wrong, because there will be someone that misses seeing your face, someone that misses your chats, someone that’s affected. Whether that’s your family, friends, partner, or even the postman that knocks on your door, or the friendly old woman at the end of the street.
So life’s not one big happy jolly thing, but there are small things, minute things, that make it worthwhile. And there is still going to be them thoughts in your mind, no one’s doubting that, or trying to change it, but if there’s one thing i want you to take away from this email, it’s that i’m always here, for you, anyone, because even though i don’t know you, i want you to live.
I have reached a decision
After giving the matter considerable thought, I have decided not to do anything about my suicide project avatar.