As I get closer to the day, I’ve realized something. I feel isolated. Whenever I talk about it, people tend to brush it off or they really don’t care. As I get closer to my attempt at suicide, I realize that I stop talking. No one seems to care or notice how different I have been lately. I’ve always felt alone, but more recently I’ve felt even more alone. Not even the people who pretend to love me seem to want to take a minute to ask how I am. I refuse to continue to live like this. I can’t deal with it anymore. I can’t take it anymore…it has been decided. There still is time though. It’s not that no one can save me, it’s that no one will.
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I wake up everyday and say this is the day..I’m gonna do it. But I am a coward and have kids to think about. But know one cares/ I talk about it and people just think I’m blowing off steam I don’t get it. I’m right in front of them falling apart..it doesn’t make any sense
I understand you completely. I wish I weren’t such a coward either. I wish I was brave enough to remove myself from this hell we call earth.
Me too I’ve been gathering a laundry list of really depressing documentaries to get me in the mood while I assemble my apparatus.
That’s exactly how it is. That’s why, if you really want to kill yourself, you have to accept the isolation. I’ve been going through the same thing / feelings. I think that if someone dies of natural causes, they feel the same way… alone. Because no one can do that with you, you know? And, people don’t want to hear about it because it freaks them out. I think sometimes if people would just listen and not freak out we (suicidal people) might feel a little better. It might be temporary, but at least it would help a little. When I told my therapist yesterday that I had been experiementing with hanging myself she didn’t freak out. She told me she had been thinking about me and that she didn’t want me to act on my thoughts – just because I thought about it, didn’t mean I had to do it. She said she wanted to trust me and she never mentioned the hospital, calling Five-0, or any of that shit.
So, do I still think about it? Hell, yes. Is today the day? No. Will it be another day? I think it will be but for now, I’m just thinking. Because killing yourself is the last decision you will ever make. You need to know that and then really, really be sure of it. Because no, no one will save you because no one can. You should think about that, too. The world can be a really cold place and you can’t expect anyone to care like you need them to. Life (and death) just doesn’t work that way. So, you either find a way to stay or not.
Choose wisely.
Peace.
@coitus, what documentaries?
@DawgMom, I like your therapist. I bet it felt good to talk about. I’ve been wanting to talk to my new one about figuring out the financial work that goes into gathering my materials and for a hotel room but am afraid she’ll freak out. I don’t have the time, money, or emotional strength to be locked up. I’m going to emphasize that NO I do not plan to do it now nor do I have intent, just as a safety measure. I also like the rational view you have toward this. I also believe in a well thought-out approach.