I used to cut my wrists from about october to December. But so many girls thought it was “cool” to cut. They would walk around school showing it off. Legit. Nobody knew that I cut. I didn’t want to tell people. I don’t tell anyone what’s going on in my mind and my life. My friends try to compete with each other to see who has the worst life. It really gets annoying. I stopped cutting because I didn’t want people to think I was being “mainstream”. I’m 14. I have so much anger and depression inside me and I have no way to let it out. So naturally I turn to cigarettes and marijuana. They don’t really help me. It just keeps my mind off of anything for a little bit. Honestly I just want to pick up my knife and cut all the way up my arm, but I’m trying to be strong. It makes me feel helpless though.
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Don’t swim along with the tide, but swim against it. This world and it’s culture or popularities tend to get all of us in trouble each time we decide to follow them. Be your own person, do what you can for others, but do not get swept into the undertow and become some sort of empty shell on the ocean floor.
Stay strong, girl.
p.s: I know exactly where you’re at. I used to smoke a lot of marijuana, and even turned to other drugs, sex, and alcohol to try and resolve my problems. They are all created by this world, so they will not help. I promise you this.
I smoke a lot of cigarettes. All I can say about that is they aren’t good for you, but at least it isn’t heroin or a 5th of vodka. That’s how I look at it anyways.
I used to cut a lot. On my left forearm and my right upper thigh. I cut because it was a release for me, and somehow it made me feel like more when I saw the blood and gashes. I was extremely depressed, and had all sorts of issues. By no means am I completely healed right now, but I have come a long way. I hope and pray you find what you need to get you off the floor and raise you up to heights you’ve never imagined you could fly to.
<3 My email, if you would like to speak anytime at all: sparrowknives@gmail.com
Hey,
Get off the pot. It won’t help you in the long wrong. In fact, it will just make you worse.
And get off the cigs. Not going to help you either.
You’re hurt? Angry?
Drop me a line.
It’s blindaudio@gmail.com
People are stupid, especially young people trying to fit in. I admire that you don’t try to fit in, especially with a crowd like that and I understand that everything seems pointless right now; but why do you feel so upset? you can email me at devinbelver@yahoo.com whenever you want. I would love to talk to you. One of the main reasons I started selfharm was becasue one of my friends. He sads that by cutting it proved that he wasn’t weak, that he was strong. I think thats how you feel when you say that you feel helpless for not doing it. I just wish I could know more of why you’re so depressed so I can better help you. But feel free to email me of you’d like. I want to help
the Cutter
It feels a little tender at first, hot as blood rushes to greet the sharp edge of your relief.
You promised yourself you wouldn’t, but the pain is just to much, inside. If only you can find a balance, a balance between the lonely suffering of your internal hell and the sharp, clean, slice of your external shell. Deeper this time then ever before. You must dig deeper to let it out. Your inner hell, red in its anger, hot liquid in its trespass.
The blade slices, a dance of blood lights it’s way, your focus follows it, watching. You feel almost outside o your own skin, watching as you desecrate the skin temple of your birth. Your thoughts rushing in as blood rushes out. What if someone sees your insane artwork? What if no one ever sees? Can’t someone please notice! I’m dying over here! But I’m just not dying fast enough…
Cutting is not suicide.
Cutting is a coping mechanism.
This type of coping can become like practicing for suicide and the scars can scare others away.
How does it work? Why?
Cutting is a self harm behavior that works on many levels;
Cutting let’s you take internal pain and visualize it outside of your body.
Cutting releases natural pain killers in your brain, this rush of endorphins and neurotransmitters helps to block emotional pain as well as physical.
Cutting plays into negative self talk about identity and worth; I hate myself so I should hurt so I will hurt myself.
Over time your cutting may escalate as your body gets accustomed to it.
Cutting can lead to suicide, there is real danger even if that was not your original intention.
Cutting appears to affect young people more so than old and has an aspect of peer learning to it, kids learn it from others.
Should you stop cutting?
It can be hard to stop self harming, especially if you have nothing to replace it with.
If you just stop immediately you may find your anxiety rising and your negative self talk increasing. It’s like a cycle, cutting relieves internal pain, but can makes you feel bad about yourself so you stop, but then you hurt inside and feel worse for needing to cut.
The key is to find another behavior to help substitute dangerous self harm practices.
This is much aided by the help of a therapist!
Since cutting hurts and releases natural brain pain killers, any other behavior can help replace it in a safe way;
Exercise, yup, lift weights, run, swim, knock yourself out, your brain will give you a shot of painkillers and you can burn through your need for pain, all the while feeling better about yourself. Find a Mentor to help you work hard when you work out.
Masturbate, yup I said it again, it’s your body kids, play with it. Self stimulation releases many of the same natural pain killers and is much safer than cutting, no you won’t go blind!
Hurt yourself in safer ways. Try drinking a little hot sauce or wasabi, try snapping a rubber band on yourself. Try pinching. Anything that creates some pain without so much harm is better, again a therapist can help with this.
Talk to a doctor, try medication. Anti depressant and anti anxiety meds can help alleviate the need to cut, they can take weeks to kick in so have patience.
Learn to stop all your negative self talk give yourself a break from self hate, read my post called “the Voiceâ€.
Advocate, explain, let people know why you cut. Explain how it helps you. I know it’s tough to find someone to listen with out judging, but you are worth it!
Taking care of yourself through depression, cutting and suicidal ideation is a complex process. You will need help, you deserve help.
I have written many posts here to help you learn about the struggle you may be facing;
the Voice
the Black Velvet Curtain
the Mentor
the Queer
the Symptom Bearer
the Children of Earth
the Plan
Find them,
Read them,
Learn from me.
I am the Guardian, my time here was brief.
But I have returned.