Hello all.  I have been creeping on this site for some time.  Recently, I have gotten to point where I can’t live life anymore.  It is all too complicated to talk about and I am  incredibly private about the painful things in my life.  The pain has been present my whole life, but has been exceptionally tormenting over the last 15 years, and unbearable for the last year.  This is not temporary and when I look into the future I only see it getting worse.  There is no other way out.  Everything I hold dear has been lost, or is at risk of being lost.  As a matter of fact, not too be too cryptic, I feel that my being present on this earth is actually more harmful then good.  The pain I am in, has become WHO I AM!  I want out.  I have looked into many options and I think I am going to try the helium hood method.  I have bought the Final Exit and Peaceful Pill  Handbook.  For those of you wondering, I think the Peacefull Pill is actually a lot more helpful….a lot of current info on suicide methods.  I have two questions for those of you who know about these things.
1) I am scared to death of it not working and being brain damaged.  I am also worried about it not working, passing out, and being found.  I plan on doing it in a hotel room and all I need is to become unconscious but not die and be found by the hotel staff who will call the police and I would wind up in a psychiatric hospital.  This is undesirable for many reasons…not least of which is this would end my career. This would make things far worse and put even more stress on the people in my life.  So my question is, if I pass out but not die, how long should I anticipate that I will be unconscious.  I would rather make sure to book the room for long enough that if I pass out I would regain consciousness before anyone would find me.  Any idea for how long I should book the room?
2) I am also confused about the purity of the helium required.  According to the balloon time website, the purest helium is medical helium and it is at the most 99% pure.  The website reports that balloon grade helium is 94-97% pure with their helium typically testing about 99% pure.  All websites that I read say that this methods fails with any helium any less than 100% pure.  The Peaceful Pill handbook recognizes that helium in tanks is not 100% pure but does not address how pure it needs to be before it won’t work for this method.  Does anyone have any idea?
Thank you and I appreciate any responses.  Think about to order the helium flow control…if I can. I am not 50 yet. Will follow up soon.
6 comments
Hi peace, your life sounds so much like mine. I’m so sorry for both of us.
While I can’t offer any helpful info on methods (other than to mention at least one other member tried the helium hood method and failed… ended up succeeding with a gun), I can advise you on getting your hotel room to avoid being found/identified.
Many small roadside motels will give you a room without an ID if you give cash and a deposit up front. It may help if you walk in without luggage, looking like hell, and saying your wallet was stolen but you have enough cash. The key is to not bring a wallet, id or credit cards. That way if you fail and they find you unconscious they won’t be able to id you.
I’ve done this a few times when contemplating suicide but unfortunately never gone through with it.
About your problems, I can only say I know how it is. I too have suffered losses that will never be fixed. Life has been tormenting me for about 12 years, of which the last 2 have been excruciating. And I can’t tell anyone openly because it would undo everything I’ve worked for. And I think if I live I’ll do much more harm to this world than good.
My short term remedy is to hide from the world slowly using up what little money I have left. If no magic angels show up to fix my life by then, I’ll proceed to my permanent remedy which you can probably guess.
Cyanide, yes it does sound like there are lots of similarities in our lives. Your statement about not being able to talk about what is going on with anyone because it would undo everything you have worked for…wow! You were speaking the truth of my life. Most days I feel like I am going to explode from the pressure inside. Anger. Bitterness. But I struggle thru because I feel that I owe it to people who depend on me. To the very people I have failed and I will never be able to satisfy…no matter what I do. But it is all meaningless. It is like I am a robot….going thru the motions. Tonight I actually prayed for God just to take me. Wow how pathetic I sound. Thank you for your wisdom regarding renting a motel. The things you mentioned I had never thought of. I really really hope things get better for you. It sounds like you are a good person and deserve a good life.
Hey peace, thanks for the kind words. Yup, me too… Anger and bitterness are all that I am these days. But it’s funny how, despite these terrible emotions, we manage to keep it under wraps for the sake of our responsibilities.
Ha I don’t think it’s pathetic to pray for God to take you. Then again I’m so pathetic I once sat in a dark room for the better part of a day “willing myself to death”. Not exactly one of the more successful methods out there.
For what it’s worth, I admire you for your cool, methodical approach–whether you go through with it or not. You seem like the kind of person who solves problems. Although it looks like you’ve spent your life solving other people’s problems and there’s nothing left for you.
*Spoiler Alert* – Pain is the point of Earth, seeking out and choosing love in the face of pain is a test, if you pass, i.e. by living your life, you are rewarded by ascending to a higher (pain-free) realm in your next life…if you check out early the universe sends suicide souls to a special place where what ever pain you think you felt here is exponentially increased and subsequently felt there, then after a thousand years or so, guess what, the universe sends you right back to the very same life you tried to originally escape.
p.s. suicide souls of brain-dead patients are also sent there, so no matter how you look at it, your best option is staying on earth and dying naturally, trust me
Hopefully things get better for you! You def sound like someone really nice!
would like to know too