Holy shit, I don’t know what is wrong with me. I feel like I’m so up and down. I like when I’m up, but that makes the downs so much harder to handle. I hate this. It’s excruciating to be depressed. I just think about suicide constantly, and I feel so alone, even when I have people to talk to, even when I have friends surrounding me. It’s times like this that make it hard not to just get it over with. And nobody has no idea.
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That sounds like bipolar disorder. Maybe you should talk to psychologist. If the psychologist diagnoses you with bipolar disorder, then they can prescribe you some medications that might help you keep things in balance.
Well, I’ve wondered about that before, but I don’t know if my ups are exactly manic. I don’t. I do think I’m at least severly depressed and should probably be on meds. I’m just too scared to admit how messed up I am inside.
Well you should definitely be careful. Don’t tell a psychologist that you’ve considered suicide, because they might try to lock you up in one of those special homes for suicidal people. Someone I know had to live in one of those for about a month. Believe me when I say it’s terrible. It’s okay to tell a psychologist that you’re depressed though. If you ask them, you might be able to get them to agree to a confidentiality agreement, so they won’t tell your family anything that you say. That way your family won’t know how you are inside. That’s what I would do.
I know how hard it is to reach out when you are so vulnerable and hurting, but please try. There is help out there. You might be hypomanic which is a milder form of manic depression. There are medications that can help. I think half of Hollywood takes them. Manic depressive persons can be very creative. Please reach out and give yourself a chance. Perhaps an aunt or uncle or school counselor, but one you can trust. People who have not endured a chemical imbalance cannot comprehend the hell that it can create.