I’ve always tried to be the optimist, always tried to make friends, always tried to be kind to most people. I’ve always tried to be the best i can be, and to give. But i’m tired of giving everything to the people who reject me in the end, and being b!&@y to the people who’ve put their trust in me. Why cant I ever do anything right? Is it me? Why will kids walk away when i try to talk to them? Theres nothing wrong with me, right? I’ve tried to convince myself that. But it hurts too damn much. Why me? Why do I have to be the one who is ridiculed? And the one who tries her hardest to be returned with a bucket filled with sh**. WHY? I ALWAYS try. ALWAYS. Even though it seems, at a glance that I am one of those preppy Asians with friends, brains and money. But its not like that– I’m quite stupid. What takes all my smart friends an hour (an essay perhaps) takes me atleast two or three. My ‘friends’ i mentioned before arent’ always there for me. Theres this one girl i trusted and she keeps turning on me, then begging for forgiveness–and im forced to give to her! If i didn’t forgive, I’d be alone. And yet people don’t forgive me and I still act civil to them. That girl started to talk to another girl instead of me. and i was a rude baasdfitch and got kind of pissed at her. then i figured otu why she was talking to the other girl–her grandma died of cancer and here i am being an attention hore blabbing my heart out to people who have kind hearts, who are pure and kind, who have worse priblems to deal with. she’d be better off without me. most of my friends would be. im ugly, i have nasty legs, stomach and pretty much everything else. im not pretty and you can’t cinvince me that i am. people (my mom) tells me im ugly, that i sould hgoeasy on the food so i dont get fat, that when she and my dad fight its my fault. I remember it all, I was laying in bed almost asleep. my dad went out and so did my brother, jammed on the light and said “ITS YOUR STUPID DUMBAUS THAT CAUSES ALL THE PROBLEMS IN THIS HOUSE.” it is my fault. i guess it was stupid for me to do this. but i had to. i need ot let it out, no matter how stupid i sound. i had to. So far ive stayed away from cutting or selfharming–but each time I look at that sharp edge, beckoning my wrist. But it gets harder every day. Each day, that urge, that want to jab a blade into my wrist and let it flow. But i cant, i wont. My parents would notice and think im some sort of freak. I guess in saying that they’re partially right.
BECAUSE I AM WORTHLESS. I AM REPLACABLE. NOBODY NEEDS ME. EVERYTHING I DO CAN BE EASILY DONE BY SOMEONE ELSE. NOBODY’D MISS ME.
sorry i sound like an attention seeker. i just needed to get that out.
6 comments
People suck!
#truth
Vent away, you’ll find lots of people here who sympathize.
“BECAUSE I AM WORTHLESS. I AM REPLACABLE. NOBODY NEEDS ME. EVERYTHING I DO CAN BE EASILY DONE BY SOMEONE ELSE. NOBODY’D MISS ME.”
-Me too. If I were a hell of a lot younger and we lived closer to each other (assuming you don’t happen to live here) I’d totally be your friend. Being old makes it creepy though. ~Come here, little girl, I’ll give you some candy~
Seeking attention is okay when no one’s giving it to you. Or so I’m told. (it feels wrong when I want attention too)
Hang in there, kid <3
AWW TANKU I LOVE CANDY >:D
and i’m trying my best to 🙂
Hey!! I come from an Asian background too… Actually from the Indian subcontinent. I live in uk. Away from all the family members. So being away from them has given them the idea that they can manipulate me and send them ridiculous amount of money and still it’s not good enough for them.. Reason why I mentioned my background was to give you an idea that I understand where you are coming from… Don’t hate yourself.. Everyone comes alone in this world and leaves alone too.. If you feel like you wanna talk about things don’t hesitate to give me a shout.
I’m indian also 🙂 I live in the US.