Alone

I hate being home, but i love it. When I am home alone, I am free to go throughout my house. i have no boundaries within the walls. But I am not allowed to leave. And this sheltering has made me become scared of the outside world. When my mothers boyfriend is home. i am in my room and do not come out. mainly because of him. He has full controle of the living room, kitchen, both bathrooms, and my mother. he does not clean he does not cook, he doesnt cut the grass or take the trash out. He doesnt walk to puppies he doesnt do the dishes or better yet put his dirty dishes in the sink. he leaves it on the counter for me or my mom or sister to attend to it. This must be why I am lesbian. i promised myself that if I find one guy to prove to me not all men are assholes. i would marry him. But my shadow figure of a father, who beat my mother, raped people, abused me and on three acounts touched me. I am glad he is dead. i am glad we are away from him. But Now i am in my room while my mother went off without me to go get my sister. i really wanted to go with and i begged my mom to let me go and she wouldnt let me because she says my stomach always hurt. which is true, i have chronic ibs. but i have been in my room since we got home at 6 pm. i wanted to go