You are Gill’s left nipple.
i want you to do something for me, stranger of the internet, fellow wraith. and what i want you to do is this…. try being dead.
i’m serious. dead serious. it’s like guided meditation, but what’s different about this is you are not trying to find your peace, your chakra, or spirit animal… but settle in among your unrest, bed down there like a naked mole rat. you are already dead. you have picked up that gun, those pills, and put them to their final purpose; tied that light fitting round your neck and wobbled off the stepladder into oblivion. your bowels are emptied- whatever death suit you chose is irrevocably beshitted.
you are dead. you have done it.
this is what comes after.
and on and on and on- even after your brains are scraped up from the floor!  it can’t be like this forever, though, can it? so, my next coherent question is: what does this make you now? as a dead person, how will you live? there is no reason to kill yourself anymore, but equally, no reason not to. there is no reason to turn up for work today. no reason to call your mother, feed the cat, walk the dog, burn the house down. you require no food, no water. if food happened to pass your lips it would have no effect whatsoever. you are the lightest shadow with the densest centre.
-get up. i’m serious. i want you to please, get up, or if you’re standing up, or can’t be bothered, just fucking look up. i’m not expecting you to see anything revelatory, just do it.
how was that?
and after reading this, could you please, pretty please, do one last thing. after walking around a little way, being dead and knowing it with every step, every movement of your eyes over this text, every echo it makes in your phonological loop – syllable, syllable, drop… i want you to comment and tell me how you feel.
i won’t pity you or applaud you- i’ll mourn you. you’re dead. you’re dead. you’re
2 comments
I commend your attempt, but truth be told, I was dead before i read this. Not physically, or this comment wouldn’t have been possible, but emotionally and mentally. I have already accepted, and am at peace with my finality and soon i will be dead.
maybe it’ll do someone some good.
i agree with the idea that we should analyze it as thoroughly as possible, to be sure we are as aware as we can possibly be, before flipping the permanent off-switch.
And like calimike recently said (in other words): in your final moments, you will know whether or not you gave life and yourself a fair shake.
Despite the inherent unfairness of life in this world, i find fairness to be a worthy principle to hold (until or unless it is exploited by others)… and so, especially since i can’t expect anyone else to do so, i should at least be fair to myself.