Faked love

Thanks for replying to my short story. There’s so much to add to that but it doesn’t probably matter. I’m so tired of it all too, man.
The worst part for me that i let her do it to me.
At the start of our relationship i thought; i just f**k her without any bigger feelings and be her friend, (because i doubted she loved me and was like 99% sure) but it didn’t work like that, i got “attached” to her. In the end i realized i loved her so much, it scared me but there wasn’t anything i could do about that strong feeling. Somewhere in the middle of our relationship I could have declined and actually i didn’t want her because she was seeing someone else too. I´m in my 30’s and i also had some (not many) relationships with a girl that she didn’t cheat on me.

Now, today it hurts like hell but because i have kind of personality that i probably can’t find anyone.

+When reading your story i see very much me in you too.
But remember.. if she (your ex) cheated on you, she IS NOT WORTH IT. She is not worth of your pain and sorrow.
Somewhere like +10 years ago when i was young and I COMPLETELY blew up my relationship with a gorgeous girl, cried many days and nights because it was my fault. But she is not worth the cries! Still it’s hard and emotional to be left alone while thinking now i am alone and will not chance.
I honestly don’t know if it will but let’s look forward.
Today i listened Arash feat Helena – Broken angel while reading this site and cried. It felt good. Keep on playing your guitar, music is one of the most powerful weapons in good and bad! Cheers