You are clueless to what you have done to me, i was suppose to be a loner it felt like.. Least thats what i felt like.
Then i saw you looking at me over there beyond the chain-link fence with your friends, i’m over here wondering, watching. “Who are you?” i ask to myself. She comes over to me and what i thought were my “friends” slowly but surely, i clicked with you.. And you clicked with me. She is a interesting person i thought to myself, mildly shady background.. But i just felt like i knew her somewhere, Sure enough i start coming to your house, hanging out with you on the regular with you seeing my smile that not many have seen the real side of.  Our inside jokes and memories still racket around in my head. I had fun with you, with your family, you, your sister, and your little goofy ass brother.. We would sit and talk about the most random of things, you seemed to share my mind-set… I had to know more about you, i had to get closer.
I don’t know what happend between us.. But when you asked me to go up to the park with you all the time to hang out, and that one time to “protect” you from that weirdo who was looking for you.. I just felt like i needed to protect you, From anything and anyone. Time and time i would walk you home to your door, saying goodbye making plans for the next day.. and ever after that i would message you on Face-book to no end,  I felt like i got to know you well, but… Then i started feeling something i haven’t felt in a long time, some kind of weird aching in my chest.. And i said it. “I love you.” You asked what i ment, and i said never mind .. I think i let it slip. and tried to play it off like i didn’t say it.. Everything seemed to go back to normal after that.
When the time came i would go with my dad to go on a trip to Boston and i told you, i still remember how you got down, and almost sad about it.. I leaned in and kissed your cheek. “It won’t be forever.” I thought to myself, and gave her a firm look in your eyes, reassuring you i WILL be back. During the whole trip i texted you, called you sometimes.. You were ridiculous how much you worried about me, i was thinking about you every second of the trip, What would i say to her.. What would i do? I didn’t know, but on the 26th of June 2010, you asked me out, during the trip and on my day’s birthday.. I couldn’t say yes quick enough, I wanted this more than anything.. But the negative was that now i would hone to want to see her even more… Thankfully though i made it back to Blandinsville, where the green eye’d girl was waiting for me.. Right there at the park, I hugged you, i didn’t want to let go.
So here we are, dating happily. i couldn’t ask for anything in the whole world, you and i just had a really interesting way of doing things, and making them fun, I would still come over and hangout with your family and you of course, laughing, conversing, sometimes play wrestling because you thought you could take me.. Sometimes you could, but i would trip and accidently hurt you and i would feel so bad, but you forgave me every time . I still remeber the first time i got to kiss you on the lips, we snuck it from your mom, but it was everything i could’ve wanted from you…
Months past, summers spent with each other holidays alike. Happy as can be. But nothing can stay the same forever, Eventually we would get into our first fight, and there is no amount of words i could ever say to you to tell you how sorry i am for anything i may have done wrong to you… And you forgave me, Just like i would forgive you.. Its not because i felt bad for you, its because… I love you.. And i alway would. and you loved me too, forever and always you would tell me, And i believed you. Somewhere along the lines though, you thought my turning 18 in a few years, i would leave you for someone older, i told you “I would never do that to you.” And i stuck to it with every fiber of my being. I was content with you.. And only you… You are my everything, With your big green eyes, and long blonde hair and beauty mark on your left cheek i would always remember..
Few more months past, You remember how it happened. Swimming one day just us at my house alone… What could go wrong? Nothing went wrong. You and i swam for a bit.. But then our eyes met and i saw you.. And you saw me, i started kissing you passionately . Rubbing on one another in a sexual fashion, and then. you shared your body with me, green eye’d girl. And i shared with you. My heart raced so much but i felt yours beating too. This feeling would be shared for many times to come, and we both enjoyed every bit of it, atleast as far as i know..
But slowly but surely.. Your mom started hating me when you started to get caught smoking pot.. It wasn’t my fault somehow it always was.. Then it all just piled on slowly, Eventually your mom got the idea into your head i wasn’t good enough for you.. And you finally listened to her.
October 10th 2012, The night my world ended. Talking to me for hours trying to get me to come to terms why we are breaking up, i told you there is no real reason to do it, why should you listin to your mom? But you told me you needed time to figure yourself out, But… I was angry and i said you were lying.. Stupid me was right, You needed more experience you said, least you told me the truth eventually.. But I guess thats what needed to happen.. Days pass, and i start feeling empty again. This feeling you seemed to make disapear was back to haunt me even today as i am writing this.
Months pass, you and i hang out as “friends”… I still can’t look at your eyes without flashing back to when we were happy.. and almost crying right infront of you. You wan’t nothing to do with me, you say you care about me, but can’t care about me like that anymore.. I just remain silent. thinking about how much of a cold hearted ***** you are forgeting about me, And i would tell you that, “how can you just forget about me?”
She told me, “I didn’t forget about you, im still here aren’t I?”.. That might be true.. But thats not what i ment… Theres no way to explain it…
From day to day, i can’t tell you i don’t think about her.. Because i do, every day of my life, even after all the shit i’ve walked through for her. I can’t be normal anymore, I just need your hand in mine…
Things in life don’t come easy, sometimes not at all.. Â But where ever you might be Green eye’d girl… I will still love you, intill the day i die.. </3
(If you happen to read this, know who i am…)