i havent been here in a long time. maybe i shouldnt have left. maybe i shouldnt come back. i dont know. all i know, is that the darkness is overwhelming, but its a darkness of my own making.
i dont want to die, i just want to cease to exist.
how do i do that?
4 comments
the darkness is the same as the light; it just looks a bit different.
if you wanted to “cease to exist,” you could look into time-travel… possibly go into the past and prevent your parents from conceiving you…
Otherwise, i think the only way is death. I am not aware of any magical or supernatural phenomena which can simple remove a being from existence.
@ lost_annie: I hear you. I’m in the same boat. I don’t want to die, either, but know I have to because, like clevername says, there’s no other way to cease to exist. I’m not telling anyone anything, really. I’m validating your feelings, and agreeing with clever’s unfortunate comment that besides death there doesn’t appear another option–beyond coming to terms with existence. I get a very strong feeling from what you’ve written that you, like me, have tried many, many, many alternatives, and the outcomes have all been unsatisfactory to you. So I say again to you, sister, I hear you.
I think I’ve found my way out, and it’s shockingly more peaceful than I was afraid it would be. Though I’m obliged to refrain from mentioning the specifics here, the Net does have credible and reliable solutions. Here’s hoping you find what you need in this life, and barring that, that you find peace. I’d be glad to “speak” (or just listen) if you’d like to.
The worst part is that the truth is often so harsh, that we can’t even speak it without risking devastation, catastrophe, and people offing themselves over it.
What a bunch of crap, right?
You could try the illusion of ceasing to exist: move, change your name, change your look, and “be” a “totally different person.” I’m not sure that’s a valid option, and i’m sure that just disappearing will end up hurting someone else… but it seems we can’t be ourselves in this life, without hurting each other.
So… maybe try to find someone who doesn’t freak out if you hurt them, that doesn’t make you feel like running away. Maybe? Idk, shot in the dark.
If not death or magical existence cessation, what would be your next choice?
We all at some point try to “fit” into everybody else’s box of what our life should be. The key words I choose to magnify is “fit” and “our”. You are your own decision maker. You decide what you want and don’t give that power to another soul. Our lives belong to us. Your life belongs to you.
Clevername said darkness is the same as light. I agree, the only difference to you is your perspective. I hope you decide to make choices that’s right for you and absolutely no one else.