I have complete hate for the people of the world. I can see through most people’s heads and their thoughts. People who talk to you nicely while at the same time you can see that it’s all a ruse. It’s a gift given to a sensitive person like me and it drives me crazy.
Putting on headphones, blocking out all other sounds made by these humands takes me to my blissful place where i constantly feel a slight Eurphoria while there.
I’m 25, successful, make 3 times more money than the average family man makes in my country, but lack happiness due to my ability to see through people. When more than 99% of people are wearing a mask while others simply hide their scary demons that can be summoned when using the correct words towards their masters, i tend to stay away from almost everyone.
With almost no real friends, and the futile search of people without masks and demons, i feel that everything in this world is pointless. Life is pointless… So we live, work, eat, crap, open our mouths and talk to people in order to do something as pointless as socializing… Everything we do is pointless in the game called life that lasts average 70Years.
Recently i hit a person for the first time in a long time, but it’s the first time i hit a person with an object. I managed to knock out a tooth and bust a lip and now i’m afraid of court and money charges… Everyone assures me this won’t happen but i’m afraid of the possibility and scared out of my wits. I pretty much want to end me so that i don’t have to feel like this anymore. My brain constantly tortures me with these thoughts every second of the day non stop.
I wanted to buy rope today and hang myself, but managed to call a friend to keep me company so that i don’t do anything… But i’m hoping that one of these days i’ll have the balls to do it and finish my misery.
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4 comments
Lucky you to be able to call a friend… Some of us don’t have anyone to call.
Ending your life is just giving up on the opportunity for your life to be great. It may not be now and you may feel like it may never be but, it will. There is someone out there that you will able to trust, someone who cares and someone who will love you past your pain. You just need to look into a mirror, smile and remember that things will get better. Don’t give up… Don’t give in 🙂
So i got fired from work today for what i did even though it was outside work.
So not sure what to do.
Everyone wears masks. We do it to protect ourselves. Often from ourselves. If you insist that anyone who is your ‘friend’ must be without mask or inner demons – you’re going to have a long search. Perhaps you should try to help them, if you see their real selves so well, instead of blaming them for being something they can’t help – human.