I refuse to be a robot!

Thank you for your comment. I realize a ton of other people are in the same boat. I think the baby boomer generation really phoned it in on being parents. My parents were awful when they divorced. I turned to drugs and alcohol. After the divorce, my Mom turned into an alcoholic and my Dad has been diagnosed with severe depression and is on disability. A part of me thinks he fakes his depression so he can just be lazy and not be my father. He ran off to Florida. I am pissed off at my parents. I think they should never of brought me into this shitty world. I am constantly parenting my parents and doing damage control. The doctor had to induce my labor or I would have died. Sometimes I wish I did. Non-existence just seems so alluring. I don’t want to die. I just want the world to be radically different. I wish money didn’t exist. When I see myself through other people’s eyes I see a loser. I don’t really want a job. I just want people to accept me for who I am and not try to crush my soul and shape me into something I’m not. Maybe it is all in my mind. I am trying to quit alcohol. I quit smoking. The warm weather is nice. I guess I am mostly ashamed of how I think I look to other people. I am also scared of being homeless. If I am forced to live with my Mom then I will be mentally abused when she drinks. She is so vicious and then she tries to sweep it under the rug. I can’t go back there, I’d rather die. Well thanks for your reply. I’m sorry for dumping so much on you. I think society and the media need to change. It alienates me and makes me compare myself to these crazy ideals that are so difficult to attain and require luck, money, and connections I don’t have.