idc anymore

depression runs in my family so i dont know if thats one of the cases of why im feeling this way. i no longer care about my grades intrests friends or family. i use to be very good at my music i played tuba and classical guitar both i couldve persuid carreers in but i lost intrest and quit them but my parents are ashamed of me. all my parents talk to me about is how il never get into college now it use toi bumb me out but ive come to except that my hopes and dreams are done for. my parents and i are fighting more and more evryday and were growing apart.i smoke pot to relieve me of all my anxiety but im probly going to get caught soon and kicked out of my house but i have no idea where i could go i wanto runaway and start my life from scratch and never have to be who i am right now again i hate myself and wish to be somone else. i dont know if im having suicidal thoughts or not but iu imagin diffrent ways i could with the diffrent objects that lay around my room such as plastic bags and balts. i feel that if i were dead i would be at peace.