My email is taurusdream425@yahoo.com if you want to talk about anything.
I don’t exactly feel depressed. There are moments of it but mostly I feel peaceful. I have come to terms with my ultimate long-term decision so I’m just doing the things I love. I’ve bought books that I loved as a kid and am re-reading them. I’ve been drinking wine like it’s going out of style. Eating foods that my waist hates me for. I’m listening to beautiful music( cover of “Mirrors” by Justin Timberlake by Boyce Avenue feat. Fifth Harmony http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvEZUbzqqyM) I’ve stopped feeling guilty for being lazy. Society hates people like me because I don’t work. Society hates me because I refuse to lose weight. People hate me for smiling at them as an overweight woman. In their eyes, I don’t deserve to be in the presence of their shiny, polished, manufactured existence. I could lose weight and re-enter society as an accepted individual who fits the standard of healthy and normal. But at the end of the day, my fate is to die just like anyone else. So why wait? I’m 25 years old and I don’t know how I’ve lasted this long. I’m not interested in having relationships or children. I am a scapegoat for my family. My mom is jealous of me because my dad pays more attention to me than her and also that I’m in college going for my Associate’s in Psychology. I love my dad the way a victim of Stockholm Syndrome loves her captor. He molested me when I was 11 and controlled me like I was a dog. I have an older brother who doesn’t ever acknowledge my presence. I used to have friends a long time ago but it turned out they felt sorry for me. They wanted me around so they could feel better about themselves. I learned at age 20 that life is basically just a game. You can learn the rules and play the game. I don’t want to play the game. No one knows why we are here on this Earth. No one knows who created this concept of life. But when I look around at what life is, it just seems like a waste of time. Money seems to be the object of perfection to most people when in reality it is just a dirty, green piece of paper. It has no inherent value. Just like the products people make. The game is to keep all of  the products circulating. We’re not doing a damn thing.  The people who do this so called “work” are just selling the little pieces of toxic chemicals that are contributing the furtherance of society’s empty consumerism. Our death is probably the greatest contribution to the universe our life can bring. It reminds me of what the late George Carlin once said:
“The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles … hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worldwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages … And we think some plastic bags and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet isn’t going anywhere. WE are!
We’re going away. Pack your shit, folks. We’re going away. And we won’t leave much of a trace, either. Maybe a little Styrofoam … The planet’ll be here and we’ll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet’ll shake us off like a bad case of fleas.
The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we’re gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, ’cause that’s what it does. It’s a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed. And if it’s true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn’t share our prejudice toward plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn’t know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, “Why are we here?â€
Plastic… asshole.â€
That pretty much sums it all up don’t ya think?
3 comments
Brilliant!
A world in need of plastic creates a species smart enough to invent it, but dumb enough not to want to preserve itself.
Global warming is the Earth’s way of keeping the plastic for itself!
Good ole’ George Carlin.
Plastic is just a creative way of recombining other materials we harvested from earth. Pretty much everything is that way. There are a few exceptions, but generally speaking, pretty much everything comes from processing natural materials and combining those refined materials with each other, mixing things to make new things, shaping things into useful forms… but just about all of it is from this planet… or, has at least been here much longer than humans have.
Nature is nature, all the way down to the way matter and energy interact with themselves and each other.
It’s rather perplexing to attempt to grasp how sentient life arose from “nothing,” but there are things both smaller and larger than human comprehension, and plenty of stuff we just can’t measure (yet, if ever).
There doesn’t need to be an underlying, inherent reason for life.
The reason we’re here is because life lives. That’s what it does. Life lives as lively as it can, until it dies. We are all here because of those lively livers of lives who were either lucky enough or strategic enough (or both) to reproduce. We are only here because someone came before us.
There is no “thing we’re supposed to do,” aside from live as well as we can, while we can… because we’re already here, and we won’t be again, so why not?
But as with most questions ever asked, plenty of unwanted answers have been found, upon asking “why not?”
So… why not? Well, so that you can have a chance to live the best life you can, to make it worth the inevitable pain of death that comes for us all… because death will get you either way, so you might as well try to have a good time, before it does.
If you give up and check out, then everyone who ever contributed to the prevention and disruption of the life you could have had, gets away without consequences for what they’ve done.
If we don’t stick around just for the sole purpose of trying to make the world a better place, in all the right ways… then what happened to us will continue happening to others.
I really don’t personally have anything good to live for anymore, but the idea of allowing the world to continue to do to others, what it has done to me, just really pisses me off. The worst part is feeling like there’s nothing i can even do about it.
And that’s the crux of the dilemma: when you literally can’t do anything about the things that are most wrong, and have nothing else worth suffering so much for… how many choices do you really have?
Live to fight to live, knowing you can’t win, and even if you do everything right, the benefits of solving all those problems, will not be seen in our lifetimes.
The only reasons to live, are things we can’t obtain… but if no one works for those things, they will never happen. It takes a very troubled and disturbed person, who has experienced first hand, to be capable of understanding the sources of these problems. If we all quit, those problems never go away for anyone else who lives.
It’s profoundly discouraging, to think that my only reason to live, so inevitably miserably, is to fight for something impossible for me to reach, that most people don’t even understand is right.
I despise my own mortality. It disgusts me how fragile humans are, in the big picture, and how not only do we have so little time, but worse, so much of it is wasted on imposed conflicts and arbitrary diversions… misdirection… obfuscation.
But, at least i don’t have to be imprisoned in this vile world forever. At least right now, today, i have a functional mind and the chance to share what i see, the way i see it, from the reference point of my particular place in this universe; who i am, where i’ve been, and the knowledge of how all my experiences have affected me, and a significant grasp of “the strings connecting things.”
The phrase “it’s all relative” means quite a lot more than most people realize. Lots of things are like that, actually.
Consider the difference between:
1) “i saw”
2) “i was shown”
What is shown and what is seen are often quite different.
I just realized i messed up the “so… why not?” part.
I had intended to list some reasons for “why not,” but the train of thought got away from me.
OTOH, i’m pretty sure most of us here have seen plenty of those personal “why not” reasons… and the point i was going to make, was that are plenty of reasons why people would want to give up… but why not just stick it out, tough it out, do the time and the work, serve the sentence, use your life to try to accomplish something good, instead of just throwing the rest away, just because it can’t be what you can imagine.
I wish you would all keep hacking away at the sources of your problems, as long as it takes, until you get to a place where you can be content with what remains, and make the most of it. But i know shit is just too much for some people, and it makes me sad to think of highly perceptive people giving up, because the most clear visions of this world, are the absolute worst.
These problems have to be felt, to be understood. Those who can’t feel as intensely as most of us do, are incapable of solving this. That leaves us. If we don’t do it, who will?