no hope, no one, no life. some things are worse then death

I live way out in the desert in a small small area. I moved out here because my husband and I thought it would be great for our animals. Soon after we moved way out here both of our cars died and we had no way to get them fixed. I was the the only one working and I lost my job because I couldn”t get to work. I used up all the rides I could get. We lost the home we were buying due to no money. By the time we were evicted frpm that house we still owed 20 bucks for water. We went to stay at a nieghbors house. I was collecting unemployment so I paid for every thing. The nieghbor didn’t work either. It was five years ago we moved out here and I have seriously been trapped in this area ever since. We finally moved in to a house owned by the same landlord who owned the nieghbors house and he just didn’t charge rent. BUT, we had no running water, no air conditioning or heat. Holes in the floor, not the best house, but stayed three and half years. AND have not been able to get out of here. I manged to get a car with unemployment, forgot I had an old speeding ticket I didn’t pay, and my license was suspended. I was pulled over and my car was impounded. I could not get it out. Its been almost two years since my unemployment ran out. the house we lived in was sold and I’m living in a moter home in my other nieghbors yard. IT really sucks. I have no income. And My husband and I hate each other and he hasn’t worked in 10 years. I really cant stand looking at him. Nither of us has any where to go. and no money. we are stuck. I have no ffriends, family or any one. I can’t get any where, I cry all the time. I have no one to talk to. I traded food stamps to get my nieghbor to pay for the internet for me. she doesnt speak english.I’m getting old and ugly, and my teeth are breaking and I cant get them fixed. I have no hope any more. I have taken drugs before but not any long term, but if I had some presciption drugs I’m sure I would take them all. I have no way out of here. I’ve tried ads on CL for places to stay until I get a job and of course that doesn’t work. I wouldn’t answer that either. And I also have my pets. they are my only comfort. I get food donated for them. but I don’t want to leave them. I can’t keep living like this. i pay rent with food stamps to sit here usually with no food or electric. There is nothing no moving forward, nothing day after day. no love, no companionship. no hope. I would rather die then continue this life. If I get one good chance, I’ll take it. This is hell.